Is there any truth to dating / marrying partners like our parents?
Because of what happens growing up, we have unmet needs, lost parts, protective behaviors – I call it our “baggage”.
Going through our childhood into our adult life, we bring all those aspects of ourselves into our relationships. If there was a certain piece that wasn’t met during childhood, we want to try to resolve that somehow as adults. We’re attracted to somebody that has those characteristics – both negative and positive, that we subconsciously need. They trigger things for us, and it’s in those moments that we can see what we must push past and grow from. You’re never going to find a perfect partner. We always think that once conflict happens, we bolt. Really, conflict is growth waiting to happen. That is a huge thing in relationships.
So, does dating / marrying partners like our parents likely happen? Yes, yes it does.
As human beings, we are drawn on an unconscious level toward the familiar. For a someone whose parental connections taught her that people are loving, dependable, and trustworthy, she will likely be attracted to someone similar. But for those who had insecure feelings in childhood, the familiar for them can be dangerous territory.
For more information on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.
Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.