Category: <span>Relationship Tips</span>

marriage killers - Imago Relationship Therapy New York

Avoid These Marriage Killers

Let’s face it – we’ve all probably been in a situation where we are arguing with our partner and start to become unkind in the process. Anger flares, insults are hurled, and now the difficult situation we found ourselves in has gotten increasingly worse. There’s many factors that can get in the way of a good marriage, but often, they’re the small, unnoticed things that make their way in. In order to make sure our marriages survive and thrive, here are 4 marriage killers every couple should be on the lookout for:

marriage killers - Imago Relationship Therapy New York
  1. The Silent Treatment
    This behavior shuts off all communication and is used as a weapon of manipulation. You withdraw from the interaction. It’s sometimes a way to shutout stimulation when feeling attacked. You’re simply unresponsive. Learn to process your emotions when under stress. Communicate that you’re feeling overwhelmed / attacked and need time to process. If you find yourself consistently resorting to this behavior, it’s beneficial to seek out counseling to understand why this is your default response to conflict.
  2. Defensiveness
    You completely shut out what your partner is trying to say and instead you avoid accountability for your part in the conflict. It’s used to protect against feeling blamed – a form of counter attack. Realize that in every conflict, there are two sides. Accept responsibility for even part of the problem. Demonstrate a willingness to see your role in the problem.
  3. Criticism
    This is pointing out something negative by blaming a personality flaw verses the actual behavior. It’s about who a person is… a character assassination. This marriage killer is a form of verbal abuse and an attempt to tear down the other person’s self-esteem in order to obtain the outcome the critic desires. To combat criticism, use a gentle start up to a conversation. You can complain without attacking or blaming.
  4. Contempt
    Once criticism has taken root, the heat gets turned up to contempt. Tone of voice is the most powerful weapon in contempt. It diminishes another person in order to belittle or put them down. You portray harmful feelings of disgust, disrespect, mockery, name-calling, sneering or hostile humor. Build a culture of appreciation and respect in your relationship. Look for the good in the other person and seek to restore the relationship through asking for forgiveness.

I think it’s important to remember that we’re all probably guilty of a few of these marriage killers on occasion. However, a pattern of these in your relationship should really serve as a red flag for you and your partner.

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW

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imago relationship therapy NY

The Imago Dialogue for Couples

If you feel that your relationship is lacking intimacy, I highly encourage you to look into the Imago Dialogue. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I help guide couples who struggle for re-connection to find their way, develop better communication skills, and fully be heard and understood. Once this happens, couples open up, their hearts open, and their relationships are revived with a new hope and feeling of intimacy with one another.

Effective communication is really the lubrication to your relationship. It matters to both partners to have the freedom and safety to express their concerns/resentments/issues and fully be heard.

The Imago Dialogue

In the Imago Dialogue, both partners agree to a basic ground rule: one person talks at a time.

There is one person who is speaking (aka sending) and another who is listening (aka receiving).

It’s when you’re in the role of Listener/Receiver that you will be doing the 3 steps of Imago Dialogue which are:

• Mirroring
• Validation
• Empathy

STEP 1: MIRROR

When your partner pauses, or perhaps when you have asked them to pause, you will repeat back exactly everything you heard them say. You will mirror without analyzing, critiquing, modifying or responding.

EXAMPLE: “If I got it right, I heard you say…” and then ask the Speaker/Sender if there’s more they’d like to add to what they said: “Is there anything else you want to add/say?”

STEP 2: VALIDATE

After giving the Sender as many opportunities to “add more” as needed, once the Sender says there is no more, the Receiver attempts to validate what the Sender said. The Sender will validate if what they are hearing back from you is making logical sense to them – if they feel you got the message. If the Sender feels that you didn’t understand what they’ve told you, you simply share what does make sense to you, and then ask the Sender to say more about the parts that don’t.

EXAMPLE: “This makes sense to me because…” or “That makes sense, I can see where…”

Ask for clarification:  “This part makes sense, but help me understand this, can you say more?”

STEP 3: EMPATHIZE

In the final step, the Receiver takes a guess as to what they imagine the Sender might be feeling with regard to what they have been saying. If the Sender has already said how they feel, then the Receiver can simply reflect this back once more. If the Receiver can think of an additional way their partner might be feeling, this is where they add that.

When sending empathy, it is fine to say something such as:  “I can imagine you feel like …. (you’re the only one working on our relationship).” However, it’s important to know that once the word “like” comes into play, what’s being expressed is a thought, not a feeling. The best way we have come to distinguish the difference between a thought and a feeling, is that a feeling can generally be described in a few words: happy, excited, safe, cared for, hurt, frustrated, scared. Try to include feeling words if you can. Doing so, especially when lucky enough to hit the proverbial nail on the head, will often bring a look of recognition and joy to your partner’s face faster than anything else you could say.

EXAMPLE:  “I can imagine you might be feeling drained from this…”

Now that the Sender has said all they have to say and the Receiver has mirrored, validated and empathized, the whole process reverses. Partners trade places, but the new Sender does not start a new topic, rather s/he responds to what the first Sender said. The Receiver now gets their turn to respond with whatever came up for them while the first partner was sending.

If you are interested in learning more about using Imago Dialogue for your relationship, contact Robin Newman, LCSW.

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romantic love

Romantic Love Is Not An Illusion

Romantic Love Is Not An Illusion ~ Getting The Love You Want Sept. 2019 Workshop ~ Long Island, NY

Romantic love is not an illusion.

We’re our highest selves when we let go of defenses. We think the person who we’re falling in love with is “giving” us these feelings, but actually, it’s our body that is producing them. We are in love with feeling alive. We are in love with the experience of living with an open heart. We are in love with love! And we think it will never end. Who we are in romantic love is not an illusion, but who we really are when we let go of our defenses. We get in touch with the person we were always meant to be.

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT COUPLES WORKSHOPS

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love & companionship.

Is your relationship starving for affection, romance & passion?

Do you wish to deepen the relationship, the closeness & the intimacy that once made it so special?

Does it seem like you can’t stop the cycle of anger, blame, arguments & withdrawal?

Do you consistently feel unheard?

Do you wish you argued less & talked more?

Well, it’s time to make important changes in your relationship!

Discover what really lies beneath triggered reactions in romantic partnerships and how to make lasting change. Move into more conscious connection and have the relationship of your dreams.

Learn to effectively communicate, work through conflicts in a skilled way, and be genuinely affectionate with each other.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

bootcamp couples therapy

Getting Through Hard Times

It’s easy to love when we are blissfully happy, when we are in love and everything is running smoothly, but love is tested in hard times developed in crisis and reaches its full maturity when unexpected tragedies unfold. So, although we never seek or welcome tragedy, we need to remember that there is a hidden jewel stitched into the hem of its garment. Getting through hard times invites the enlargement of love in us, and stretches us beyond our limits, so that we find that our love expands.

“In conflict, there is growth.”

Invest In Your Love ~ Try a (private) weekend workshop of couples’ therapy.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with getting through hard times and moving ahead.

Couples’ counseling intensives are 1 1/2 days on the weekend in Huntington, New York. Treated as a “boot camp” for couples who wish to improve communication, intimacy, and understanding. Robin & Don teach couples specific communication techniques that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

The Art of Communication

Common Communication Issues in Relationships

The big challenge for couples is to try to understand that…

  1. You’re not symbiotic.
  2. You came into this relationship as two individuals.
  3. Both of your opinions/perspectives can exist in the same space (and believe it or not, both are right).

The Art of Communication

Different opinions are not right or wrong – it’s just allowing your partner to exist in the same space as you. They don’t have to think exactly like you. Your way is not the right way, but just simply, your way.

Learning how to communicate effectively in a relationship can drastically improve your love life, no matter how long you’ve been together, but sometimes that can feel like a big, overwhelming task. Learning the art of communication can really save what could be a healthy, thriving, relationship.

Attend our boot camp-style couples workshop to learn effective strategies to communicating better!

Open, honest communication is important in a healthy relationship. Learn how you and your partner can communicate better in this couples workshop hosted by Robin Newman and her husband Don.

Find the next workshop dates my husband and I will be hosting here.

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center
148 East Main Street Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 421-4701

The Art of Communication Weekend Couples Workshop Long Island

Getting The Love You Want: Weekend Couples Workshop

Become the most connected couple you know with this Long Island weekend workshop to help you & your partner enhance closeness, communicate better, and experience a deeply fulfilling & lasting relationship.

SAT & SUN, SEPTEMBER 21 & 22, 2019, 9:30-7:00 PM

575 Broadhollow Road Melville, NY 11747
(MAKE IT A GETAWAY: located across the street from Hilton hotel.)

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PCYour relationship is much more likely to be a long, happy one if you and your partner both make an active effort to communicate, both well and often. If you want to learn the secrets to long-term relationship success, attend our weekend workshop or contact me today for more information on couples counseling.

Breakfast, refreshments & snacks included.

$545.00 per couple.

** This workshop is designed for married and single couples of all gender and sexual orientations.

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT - a guide for couples

The New York Times Bestselling Guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship.

Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of people experience more satisfying relationships and is recommended by professional therapists and happy couples around the world.

TRANSFORMATION IS NEAR

·     Become passionate best friends again.
·     Learn how to end the power struggles.
·     Harness conflict and redirect to growth.
·     Start the journey of healing.

For more info., contact Robin Newman (631) 421-4701.

Long Island Couples Workshop September 2019Do any of these describe your relationship?

Do you LOVE each other, but feel DISTANT & DISCONNECTED?

Do you want more ROMANCE & INTIMACY?

Do you WONDER what happened to the PASSION of earlier days?

Do you wish you ARGUED less & TALKED more?

Are you ANGRY all of the time & easily IRRITATED?

Do you long to feel more CONNECTED?

Then JOIN US for our next GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT weekend couples workshop!

Photos of our space in Melville, NY for Long Island couples workshops:

Long Island Weekend Couples WorkshopRobin Newman, LCSW, and her husband Don will guide you and your partner to deeper levels of connection and wholeness using Imago Relationship Therapy, a transformational approach that allows you to experience new levels of safety and appreciation.

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Getting the Love You Want bookA marriage therapist and counselor explains that most of the feelings of receiving inadequate love come from unresolved childhood conflicts and describes how adults can learn to flourish as loving and loved people.

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, now fully revised with a new forward and a brand new chapter!

The Getting the Love You Want book has helped millions of people experience more satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists and happy couples around the world.

Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt explain how to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions, to help you:

· Discover why you chose your mate
· Resolve the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy
· Learn to listen – really listen – to your partner
· Increase fun and laughter in your relationship
· Begin healing early childhood experiences by stretching into new behaviors 
· Become passionate friends with your partner
· Achieve a common vision of your dream relationship

Officially celebrating 30 years in this edition!

Become the most connected couple you know with this revolutionary guide, combining behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to help you and your partner recapture joy, enhance closeness, and experience the reward of a deeply fulfilling relationship.

INTERESTED IN TRYING IT OUT?

JOIN OUR LONG ISLAND COUPLES WORKSHOPS TO LEARN RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE

Long Island couples workshops held by Robin Newman, LCSW are a great way to discover what really lies beneath triggered reactions in romantic partnerships and how to make lasting change. Move into more conscious connection and have the relationship of your dreams!

compassion

Tara Brach

“Imagine you are walking in the woods and you see a small dog sitting by a tree. As you approach it, it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared. You are frightened and angry. But then you notice that one of its legs is caught in a trap. Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern: You see that the dog’s aggression is coming from a place of vulnerability and pain. This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful ways, it is because we are caught in some kind of trap. The more we look through the eyes of wisdom at ourselves and one another, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart.”

– Tara Brach

Empathy is directly related to one’s satisfaction with a romantic partner, and therefore, most approaches to couples therapy explicitly address empathy as a means for creating positive relational change.

When faced with a disagreement, how do you usually react?

Are you able to see / hear your partner’s views with an open mind?

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is practiced at The Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY. Imago is a form of marriage therapy that takes a relationship approach rather than an individual approach to problem solving in a marriage. It was co-developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, and documented in Hendrix’s 1988 book, “Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples.”

Contact Robin Newman today to find out more.

Harville Hendrix quote

Harville Hendrix

Consciousness is Key –

When we are unaware of the unconscious agenda of romantic love, it is a disaster, for our childhood scenarios inevitably repeat themselves with the same devastating consequences. There is method to this madness, though. The unconscious recreation of the ambiance of childhood has the express purpose of bringing this old impasse to a resolution.

When we understand that we have chosen our partners to heal certain wounds, and that the healing of those wounds is the key to the end of longing, we have taken the first step on the journey to real love.

Read more about marriage counseling at our Long Island location.

<Watch Robin Newman on YouTube>

couples workshop JAN 26 & 27, 2019

“Is Now a Good Time to Talk?”

Introducing couples to relationship growth and healing through Imago therapy.

Communicating in a relationship – learn intentional dialogue in Imago relationship therapy.

Make sure that you ask your partner, “Is now a good time to talk?” or “Do you have the time to talk?”

Getting The Love You Want Workshop - The Art of Communication - Is Now a Good Time to Talk? Getting The Love You Want – A Workshop for Couples in Long Island, New York.

The next available workshops are:

JANUARY 26 & 27, 2019
FEBRUARY 16 & 17, 2019
MARCH 2 & 3, 2019

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”

ABOUT ROBIN NEWMAN:

I work with couples, families and individuals. I’m successful in guiding my patients through anxiety, depression, self-esteem challenges, addictions, and/or family conflicts.

The key for me is always in the patient who has the courage and openness to heal. We all have wounds that can hold us back from creating satisfying relationships. It is a privilege and a blessing to be invited into the lives of others and assist them in having a more productive and healed life.

Imago relationship therapy workshops

Imago Workshops for Couples in Long Island

Imago relationship therapy workshops for couples in Long Island, NY ~ The Huntington Relationship Center Stay tuned for our …

Imago relationship therapist Long Island New York

Individuals can use an Imago Relationship Therapist too!

What’s interesting about Imago relationship therapy, is once you have an understanding… Once you read that book, …

imago relationship therapy for individuals long island ny

Imago Relationship Therapy for Individuals Long Island, NY

The Huntington Relationship Center offers Imago Relationship Therapy for Individuals, Couples & Families in Long Island, …