Category: <span>Social Work</span>

anger management counseling

Anger Management: Symptoms & Triggers

Anger is a natural response humans have to certain situations, and it should in no way be something we’re ashamed of. However, having troubles controlling your anger can be an issue. Problems with anger management, often called having “anger issues,” only becomes a problem when you can no longer control it.

Anger shows itself as saying or doing things that harm you or others around you.

Uncontrolled anger can physically and emotionally harm you if you do not recognize or take steps to reduce it, and the first step is to identify if you have this problem.

There’s many different cues to help identify if you struggle with anger.

Common behaviors can include:

  • struggling to compromise in an argument or meeting
  • having difficulties expressing emotions in a calm manner
  • ignoring others when angry
  • isolation
  • self-harm
  • shouting / cussing
  • physical violence
  • substance abuse or addiction.

Not all of these immediately point to troubles with anger management, but a few paired together could be a sign that you might have trouble with it.

The next step is to find out what triggers these emotions.

Triggers can stem from mental illness, short term triggers, and/or individual triggers. Mental illness like depression, OCD, and substance abuse can bring forth anger issues which link to anxiety, meaning this is one of the most important triggers to nip in the bud.

Short term triggers can include injustices, feeling you are not being heard, remembering a past trauma, or losing patience. These are common triggers for feeling upset in general, but they could also be amplified if you have problems with anger.

Lastly, we all have individual triggers, examples of such include political views, religious beliefs, or other subject matters that relate to who we are. It is helpful to identify these so that we can react calmly in these situations.

Anger is unhealthy for many reasons, including mental and physical illnesses.

Misdirected or unexpressed anger can lead to poor cardiovascular health and/or heart disease. Anger and stress can also lead to higher blood pressure, which can cause a blood clot or bleeding within the brain. You are three times more likely to endure this bleeding or a stroke in the hours after an outburst, putting you at risk for a fatal incident. Lastly, when you are angry, you release stress hormones, which can affect your airways and lungs and can lead to poor respiratory health.

Because of both the physical & mental stress anger brings, it’s important to reduce outbursts.

There are some strategies you can implement to help with this. First, recognizing when you are upset so that you can de-escalate the situation.

Next, trying to think before you react. This gives you time to process what the best reaction could be to benefit not only you but the people around you.

It can also be helpful to talk to people about your situation. You could talk to others who are not involved about what you are going through or feeling at the moment.

Many people exercise in their spare time, and this releases chemicals that make you feel happy and refreshed. If you enjoy exercise this may be a viable solution.

You can also practice being more assertive, helping to express your opinion in a calm and efficient way to the people around you.

Lastly, you can use apps for peer support, mindfulness, and relaxation. There are many peer support groups and platforms where people share their own experiences and journeys, many meditation apps that can help reduce stress, and overall just many apps that can help with relaxation such as white noises, calming games, and more.

anger management counseling Long Island

If you feel that you are overwhelmed by your struggles and need professional support, consider talking to a counselor.

For more info. on anger management counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

counseling for low self-esteem

Counseling for low self-esteem.

Self-esteem determines the value we put on ourselves: our talents, abilities, and personal existence. In other words, it is an opinion about oneself of being worthy or unworthy of something in life. Self-esteem affects how we think and feel about our everyday life experiences.

Low Self Esteem vs High Self Esteem

A person with low self-esteem perceives things with a negative mindset. Whereas a very high self-esteemed person inflates reality and exhibits narcissistic tendencies. In the middle is a healthy self-esteemed person who is confident about one’s intelligence, appearance, abilities, and personality. He or she accepts strengths and limitations with a realistic assessment and is satisfied with the kind of importance given to his or her virtues and talents by people around them or society.

People with healthy self-esteem respect themselves and others for what they are. They put effort to learn from past mistakes instead of getting identified with them. The use of reasoning to overcome hardships, and rebounding in life comes naturally to them. They have the confidence and self-belief to pursue their goals.

So, having healthy self-esteem is essential to be successful in every facet of life including relationships, marriage, parenting, and career.

Here’s some of the key signs of low self-esteem:

• Risk aversion
• Difficulty accepting negative feedback
• Greater focus on flaws / weaknesses
• Dismissal of skills and strength
• Worthlessness
• Inferiority complex
• Feeling disliked and unwanted
• Seeking approval from others
• Fear of rejection
• Display of self-destructive behavior
• Constant comparison with others
• Getting tied in bad relationships
• Fear of intimacy
• Delusional self-image
• Jealousy of others
• Hypersensitivity

These signs are common human behaviors and show up in a person from time to time. But, if a bunch of these are prevalent in a person, it probably might be flaring up from low self-esteem.

What causes low self-esteem?

Although the causes for low self-esteem might differ from person to person, studies show that it normally stems from childhood experiences of being criticized by loved ones, teachers, or any other authority figures.

Being bullied also leaves a lasting negative effect on self-esteem. If it is not from childhood, then a stressful event occurred at any point in life can suddenly create low self-esteem.

counseling Long Island

Here are some life events that might have been stressful enough to trigger low self-esteem in a person:

• Going through discrimination
• Relationship problems
• Sudden loss of money, house, or other essential belonging
• Hostile interaction with a coworker at the workplace
• Loss of job

How counseling helps you to overcome low self-esteem.

When one is looking for a steady balance in mind than being on a roller coaster of highs and lows of self-esteem, counseling indeed helps. As a counselor takes a personalized approach and is willing to hear all your difficulties dealing with low self-esteem, it opens up doors for solving the problem. If you had felt alone and left out, counseling will dissolve those emotions.

Counseling mainly helps you to:

• Identify and understand the reason why you’re suffering from low esteem
• Let out past negative experiences in a safe space
• Recognize your true inner voice of reason
• Recognize adverse thinking patterns

Should I seek counseling for low self-esteem?

Often we disregard low self-esteem as a personality trait than a psychological condition. It is needed to seek treatment to cope and eventually get rid of the low esteem problem in you. If neglected, it could badly affect your interpersonal relationships, work, school responsibilities, social interaction, and setting boundaries with others.

How a counselor can help you heal self-esteem problems.

Building a positive psychological climate.

When you attend the first counseling session, the counselor will work on making you feel comfortable and develop a connection with you. This establishes trust and a sense of mutual purpose to solve the problem. Also, it forms a basis for progressing through further stages without roadblocks. With a positive psychological climate created in the early stage, the likelihood of attaining a desirable outcome is greater.

Problem exploration.

In this step, the counselor explores the roots of your feeling of inadequacy, low self-confidence, and self-belief. The source of your nagging internal voice that has been draining your internal energy is identified and revealed to you. Call it an a-ha moment or self-realization, with the problem source in front, it becomes a lot easier to address the issue. After identification, the counselor gets an idea about what treatment plan could suit you, what goals to be set and achieved, how to assess you and provide options and alternatives as things progress. The problem exploration process goes through different stages by itself.

Broadly you can share:

• How self-esteem is affecting your daily life.
• Behaviors and thought patterns that bug you.
• How long the problem has existed.
• When does it appear and is it predictable based on situations?
• Activities you perform every day or how your typical day progresses.
• Family history.
• Personal history.

Every counselor has their list of questions that they might ask to diagnose your problem. So it is likely that you will be asked a lot more things than the ones pointed above.

Setting of goals and seeking a commitment to action.

It is often observed that people with psychological problems do not have a way to get out of it. As the counselor sets goals after examining the problem, you will have a path in front of you to relief. This creates motivation in you to work towards achieving those goals. The goals set by counselors are specially catered to suit your everyday life, personal knowledge, and skills. They are measurable in terms of progress. So it becomes easier for you to know how you are doing and have a better understanding of what needs to be accomplished.

The counselor will define the goals in simple terms while explaining its benefits and limitations. This builds confidence and hope in you to make an effort at dealing with your low self-esteem problem. Apart from setting goals and explaining them to you, the counselor will break them down into manageable parts and give you strategies to follow and achieve them. As you accomplish the set goals, it increases your mental capacity to appreciate yourself and face criticism without getting bogged down.

Shedding years of self-doubt takes effort and time.

You can overcome low self-esteem problems and reach new heights in life when you decide to take action for yourself and your quality of life.

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

Adelphi University

Robin Newman, Senior Adjunct Faculty Member at the Adelphi School of Social Work

Robin Newman, LCSW in Huntington, NY is now a Senior Adjunct Faculty Member at the Adelphi School of Social Work. She continues educating Long Island students in social work and counseling.

Senior Adjunct Faculty Member at Adelphi University

For clips of Robin Newman at Adelphi, see below, or follow Robin on YouTube:

Long Island counseling

Irrational Beliefs Theory – The Becks Model – Underlying Schema

Selective Abstraction – another cognitive error.

The role of the Narrative Therapist

Schema-Focused Cognitive Therapy – Treatment for Lifelong Patterns

anxiety counselor NY

Steps to Combat Anxiety

Steps to Combat Anxiety:  The experts say that we are all suffering from anxiety right now and I believe them. It may manifest itself in different ways for different people, but we all feel it.

Sometimes, things are so obvious that we think we shouldn’t even have to say it, but during times of great stress, we do need it said; We need it to be said over & over. So here’s what you (and I) need to do:

1. Go to bed – Don’t stay up all night. Turn the devices off and get as much sleep as possible.

2. Exercise – I know the gym is closed, but there are plenty of ways to exercise at home or outside. Just try going up and down the stairs 10 times in a row at the very least.

3. Eat well – Fight the urge to eat all the time. Eat things that are good for you. Try to eat on a normal schedule. This will help you sleep better too.

4. Get some solitude – You need to get some alone time with your thoughts if you are around a group constantly. You need to just take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax.

5. Connect with friends – We are all social creatures. Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture today. Reach out to your friends and family. Spend some time on the phone or Facetime or Skype with them.

Even after doing all these things, you may still feel out of sorts. It’s ok, we’re all in this together. I’m here to help if you need someone to listen.

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

(631) 421-4701  < Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >
stay in connection - Huntington Relationship Therapy

Stay in connection 2020

Stay in connection 2020 – Huntington Relationship Center – Imago Relationship Therapy

Humans are social animals: We crave feeling supported, valued and connected.

Research points to the benefits of social connection: in one compelling study, a key difference between very happy people and less happy people was good relationships.

Communicate to help manage anxiety and stress.

During this time of sheltering in place / being quarantined under the same roof, it’s highly possible that stress, anxiety and depression might start to get the best of us. If it happens to you, know that it’s perfectly normal, especially under these chaotic circumstances.

That’s why it’s so important to stay in connection during these uncertain times. No one should struggle alone. If you find that you could use someone to talk to or you know someone who is in need of assistance, contact the Huntington Relationship Center today.

As a Long Island social worker, Robin welcomes couples, families, and individuals to her office:
148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps individuals and couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy. (631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Heightened Stress in 2020 - Counseling Services for NYers - Robin Newman, LCSW

Heightened Stress in 2020 – Counseling for NYers

Heightened Stress in 2020 – Counseling Services for NYers – Robin Newman, LCSW

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead. During these stressful times, counseling can be very helpful.

Surviving Heightened Stress in 2020:

Maintain your emotional support system. If you don’t have any, find a licensed therapist who will be that for you. These are the people you can vent your frustration with and share your successes with.

Talking about what’s happening to you is the best way to defuse your feelings and symptoms. Allow yourself to cry. It releases feelings and tension. Get feedback and advice from a professional NY counselor.

Value and protect yourself. Try to exercise. Exercise releases tension in the muscles and reduces the effects of anxiety. Eat right and get your sleep. If you’re run down, you won’t be efficient or function at the intellectual level required to get good grades, do good at work, take care of your kids. Stress degrades the first line of defense in our immune system and prolonged stress usually leads to illness.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples & individuals break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Prayer for Gratitude with Robin Newman

Prayer for Gratitude during Coronavirus

I found something that is very touching that I’d thought I would share with you in order to help you get through today. It’s a prayer for gratitude. Also, after I read this, I’m going to share ways to keep yourself from getting less anxious.

If you find that you are getting very anxious during these times, the best thing for you to do is provide some structure to your day. As I’ve said to a few patients that I’ve seen virtually lately, getting out of the bed in the morning and putting the TV on right away is not a good thing to do. It’s really important to get up, maybe do a meditation, maybe pray for gratitude, make a gratitude journal for the things you are grateful for this time when you are at home. Then start your day after writing in a gratitude journal to taking a walk outside or some kind of exercise. But really, limit your TV intake to 15-20 minutes of news a day. Save entertainment for later in the day. Try to find little projects to do because we’re strapped in for the long haul right now, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

Just know that you are strong and you can do this.

Robin NewmanRemote video counseling sessions with Robin Newman

Due to the current status of things here on Long Island, Robin Newman, LCSW, is offering virtual therapy sessions until we’re all able to see one another again face to face. For more information, contact Robin today.

If you liked this prayer for gratitude, show Robin some love on Facebook!

underlying schema explained by Robin Newman, LCSW

REBT theory is a philosophical, cognitive approach.

REBT theory sees that an individual is able to rid themselves of most of their emotional and mental unhappiness if they learn to maximize their rationale and minimize their irrational thinking.

The ABC’s of REBT theory are an exercise which is a form of cognitive therapy that is simple and effective enough to be used by anybody. The ABC’s help stop you from being victimized by your own thinking. A common example is the issue of someone else’s behavior “making you angry”. The ABC’s of REBT theory are listed below:

A: activating event (trigger)
B: perception (feelings)
C: emotional / behavioral consequences of your perception.

Much of what our family and culture does/says to us, we bring into our personal thinking and situations.

So, how do you take an irrational belief and make it into a rational belief? I’ll give you an example in this video.

Emotionally healthy human beings develop an acceptance of reality, even when reality is highly unfortunate and unpleasant. REBT therapists strive to help their clients develop three types of acceptance: (1) unconditional self-acceptance; (2) unconditional other-acceptance; and (3) unconditional life-acceptance.

For more information on counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapisttherapistlongisland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

how can I add more love to the world

How can I add more love to the world?

“How can I add more love to the world?” is a great question we should ask ourselves each day.

– SCOTT STABILE

Couples Counseling Long IslandLearn the communication process of Imago relationship therapy at our next couples workshop in Huntington, NY.

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. Getting The Love You Want has helped many people experience satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists.

When you first start dating someone new, it’s natural to wonder whether your relationship will be able to stand the test of time or eventually fall apart. As infatuated with each other as you and your partner might be in the beginning, the reality is that not every couple can make things work long-term.

So what’s the main difference between couples who last and those who break up? Couples who last long-term know that having healthy communication habits in a relationship is the key to success — and even if they communicate well already, they’re still always striving to improve their communication skills.

There’s nothing worse than trying to have a productive conversation with your partner, and feeling like they’re totally disregarding your point of view. If you want your relationship to last, it’s important that you’re both able to view your partner’s opinion as valid, even if you disagree with it.

Your relationship is much more likely to be a long, happy one if you and your partner both make an active effort to communicate, both well and often. If you want to learn the secrets to long-term relationship success, attend one of our next weekend couples workshops or contact me for more info. on counseling.

compassion

Tara Brach

“Imagine you are walking in the woods and you see a small dog sitting by a tree. As you approach it, it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared. You are frightened and angry. But then you notice that one of its legs is caught in a trap. Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern: You see that the dog’s aggression is coming from a place of vulnerability and pain. This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful ways, it is because we are caught in some kind of trap. The more we look through the eyes of wisdom at ourselves and one another, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart.”

– Tara Brach

Empathy is directly related to one’s satisfaction with a romantic partner, and therefore, most approaches to couples therapy explicitly address empathy as a means for creating positive relational change.

When faced with a disagreement, how do you usually react?

Are you able to see / hear your partner’s views with an open mind?

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is practiced at The Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY. Imago is a form of marriage therapy that takes a relationship approach rather than an individual approach to problem solving in a marriage. It was co-developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, and documented in Hendrix’s 1988 book, “Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples.”

Contact Robin Newman today to find out more.

anger management counseling

Anger Management: Symptoms & Triggers

Anger is a natural response humans have to certain situations, and it should in no way be something we’re ashamed of. …

counseling for low self-esteem

Counseling for low self-esteem.

Self-esteem determines the value we put on ourselves: our talents, abilities, and personal existence. In other words, it …

baggage in relationships

How we bring baggage into our relationships.

Emotional baggage is what people often carry into relationships. Simply put, baggage is the collection of unpleasant memories …