Not Like You: our partners think & love differently from us – NY Couples Workshop – Getting The Love You Want

Not like you. The person you love won’t look at love or your relationship in exactly the same way that you do. He or she may have very different feelings about how it should be conducted, how you should argue, how and when to make love, even what your relationship means. For your darling, the most important thing about loving you may be that you’re there every day, every night for them to come home to. While for you, the specific kinds of attention you receive: sweet words and flowers, or anniversary presents may mean more than anything else.

You may handle crises in totally different ways. He may go to the gym to work out or you may talk on the phone for hours with your best friend. Understanding that your beloved may not feel the same way and in some sense may not even occupy sometimes, the same relationship as you do, is one of the greatest opportunities for growth in any intimate relationship.

I chose this for a reason because in Imago, we always say that two perceptions, two opinions can exist in the same space. Both are right. As a couple, you are not symbiotic. You are connected, but you do not finish and stop each other’s sentences thinking the same exact way. You may at times be on the same wavelength, but your partner is their own person, as are you.

If you’re struggling figuring out where you are in your relationship, trying to be heard, trying to get validated, trying to learn how to validate, trying to see how our partners think & love differently from us, please attend one of our workshops Getting The Love You Want.