Tag: <span>counseling center Long Island</span>

Robin Newman, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Long Island therapists

Are therapists paid to agree with you?

Robin Newman, Imago relationship therapist: Are therapists paid to agree with you?

I often get the question if I ever ‘agree’ with my clients.

So, here’s my answer to that:

I will always agree with blatant injustice. But, I feel that if I agree completely, I’m letting the person off the hook of looking at what their duplicity is. What they are doing to participate in the relationship / situation that they are in?

If I just agree, then how am I helping them to see and to prevent the next ‘set up’ because I always say to people that things come in different disguises.

So if I just agree with you saying he / she is a jackass, etc. and then you get into a new relationship with someone else and you’re doing the same things again. How is that helping you?

I’m going to be more in the realm of saying, yeah, that wasn’t such a great thing that he / she did to you, but what did you to participate? What patterns are you following / stuck in? What kinds of people are you choosing to surround yourself with to find yourself still getting into these situations?

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC THE HUNTINGTON RELATIONSHIP CENTER

Imago Relationship Therapists – Individual, Couples & Family Counseling

148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743 (631) 421-4701

individual counseling depression / anxiety Long Island

How we feed into our depression / anxiety

Another question that is often asked to me when people are calling me up to sort of screen me to see if I’m the right fit is they’ll ask me, how I work with their depression / anxiety?

I try to approach it as a relational model.

I do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well.

Most people that are coming to me individually, they are coming in because from a relational perspective, they feel immobilized. They are in a relationship. They want to blame their parents, spouse, children, boss, etc.. whoever it is.

I try to create a construct for them to look at how are YOU feeding into the problem?

How are you making yourself the victim vs. the victor?

We try to focus on being curious again and filled with wonder about how do I participate in this relational dance as opposed to looking to blame, shame, or throw it off on someone else.

Let’s face it: we all want to completely control our outcomes in everything.

I think if we can spend less time thinking about what other people may be thinking, and spend more time thinking about what WE can do to change or shift the outcome, we’ll usually find a favorable outcome.

If there isn’t a favorable outcome, then you have the opportunity to look at the situation and say, ok so, now what do I do with the situation now that this person is not accepting the boundaries that I’ve expressed to them?

Individual counseling is meant to help people with emotional & other mental health issues such as depression / anxiety, which can range in severity / intensity. Get the help you need in a 100% safe space.

Contact Robin for additional information on therapy sessions.

For other videos of Robin Newman, watch on YouTube!

anger management counseling

Anger Management: Symptoms & Triggers

Anger is a natural response humans have to certain situations, and it should in no way be something we’re ashamed of. However, having troubles controlling your anger can be an issue. Problems with anger management, often called having “anger issues,” only becomes a problem when you can no longer control it.

Anger shows itself as saying or doing things that harm you or others around you.

Uncontrolled anger can physically and emotionally harm you if you do not recognize or take steps to reduce it, and the first step is to identify if you have this problem.

There’s many different cues to help identify if you struggle with anger.

Common behaviors can include:

  • struggling to compromise in an argument or meeting
  • having difficulties expressing emotions in a calm manner
  • ignoring others when angry
  • isolation
  • self-harm
  • shouting / cussing
  • physical violence
  • substance abuse or addiction.

Not all of these immediately point to troubles with anger management, but a few paired together could be a sign that you might have trouble with it.

The next step is to find out what triggers these emotions.

Triggers can stem from mental illness, short term triggers, and/or individual triggers. Mental illness like depression, OCD, and substance abuse can bring forth anger issues which link to anxiety, meaning this is one of the most important triggers to nip in the bud.

Short term triggers can include injustices, feeling you are not being heard, remembering a past trauma, or losing patience. These are common triggers for feeling upset in general, but they could also be amplified if you have problems with anger.

Lastly, we all have individual triggers, examples of such include political views, religious beliefs, or other subject matters that relate to who we are. It is helpful to identify these so that we can react calmly in these situations.

Anger is unhealthy for many reasons, including mental and physical illnesses.

Misdirected or unexpressed anger can lead to poor cardiovascular health and/or heart disease. Anger and stress can also lead to higher blood pressure, which can cause a blood clot or bleeding within the brain. You are three times more likely to endure this bleeding or a stroke in the hours after an outburst, putting you at risk for a fatal incident. Lastly, when you are angry, you release stress hormones, which can affect your airways and lungs and can lead to poor respiratory health.

Because of both the physical & mental stress anger brings, it’s important to reduce outbursts.

There are some strategies you can implement to help with this. First, recognizing when you are upset so that you can de-escalate the situation.

Next, trying to think before you react. This gives you time to process what the best reaction could be to benefit not only you but the people around you.

It can also be helpful to talk to people about your situation. You could talk to others who are not involved about what you are going through or feeling at the moment.

Many people exercise in their spare time, and this releases chemicals that make you feel happy and refreshed. If you enjoy exercise this may be a viable solution.

You can also practice being more assertive, helping to express your opinion in a calm and efficient way to the people around you.

Lastly, you can use apps for peer support, mindfulness, and relaxation. There are many peer support groups and platforms where people share their own experiences and journeys, many meditation apps that can help reduce stress, and overall just many apps that can help with relaxation such as white noises, calming games, and more.

anger management counseling Long Island

If you feel that you are overwhelmed by your struggles and need professional support, consider talking to a counselor.

For more info. on anger management counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

counseling for low self-esteem

Counseling for low self-esteem.

Self-esteem determines the value we put on ourselves: our talents, abilities, and personal existence. In other words, it is an opinion about oneself of being worthy or unworthy of something in life. Self-esteem affects how we think and feel about our everyday life experiences.

Low Self Esteem vs High Self Esteem

A person with low self-esteem perceives things with a negative mindset. Whereas a very high self-esteemed person inflates reality and exhibits narcissistic tendencies. In the middle is a healthy self-esteemed person who is confident about one’s intelligence, appearance, abilities, and personality. He or she accepts strengths and limitations with a realistic assessment and is satisfied with the kind of importance given to his or her virtues and talents by people around them or society.

People with healthy self-esteem respect themselves and others for what they are. They put effort to learn from past mistakes instead of getting identified with them. The use of reasoning to overcome hardships, and rebounding in life comes naturally to them. They have the confidence and self-belief to pursue their goals.

So, having healthy self-esteem is essential to be successful in every facet of life including relationships, marriage, parenting, and career.

Here’s some of the key signs of low self-esteem:

• Risk aversion
• Difficulty accepting negative feedback
• Greater focus on flaws / weaknesses
• Dismissal of skills and strength
• Worthlessness
• Inferiority complex
• Feeling disliked and unwanted
• Seeking approval from others
• Fear of rejection
• Display of self-destructive behavior
• Constant comparison with others
• Getting tied in bad relationships
• Fear of intimacy
• Delusional self-image
• Jealousy of others
• Hypersensitivity

These signs are common human behaviors and show up in a person from time to time. But, if a bunch of these are prevalent in a person, it probably might be flaring up from low self-esteem.

What causes low self-esteem?

Although the causes for low self-esteem might differ from person to person, studies show that it normally stems from childhood experiences of being criticized by loved ones, teachers, or any other authority figures.

Being bullied also leaves a lasting negative effect on self-esteem. If it is not from childhood, then a stressful event occurred at any point in life can suddenly create low self-esteem.

counseling Long Island

Here are some life events that might have been stressful enough to trigger low self-esteem in a person:

• Going through discrimination
• Relationship problems
• Sudden loss of money, house, or other essential belonging
• Hostile interaction with a coworker at the workplace
• Loss of job

How counseling helps you to overcome low self-esteem.

When one is looking for a steady balance in mind than being on a roller coaster of highs and lows of self-esteem, counseling indeed helps. As a counselor takes a personalized approach and is willing to hear all your difficulties dealing with low self-esteem, it opens up doors for solving the problem. If you had felt alone and left out, counseling will dissolve those emotions.

Counseling mainly helps you to:

• Identify and understand the reason why you’re suffering from low esteem
• Let out past negative experiences in a safe space
• Recognize your true inner voice of reason
• Recognize adverse thinking patterns

Should I seek counseling for low self-esteem?

Often we disregard low self-esteem as a personality trait than a psychological condition. It is needed to seek treatment to cope and eventually get rid of the low esteem problem in you. If neglected, it could badly affect your interpersonal relationships, work, school responsibilities, social interaction, and setting boundaries with others.

How a counselor can help you heal self-esteem problems.

Building a positive psychological climate.

When you attend the first counseling session, the counselor will work on making you feel comfortable and develop a connection with you. This establishes trust and a sense of mutual purpose to solve the problem. Also, it forms a basis for progressing through further stages without roadblocks. With a positive psychological climate created in the early stage, the likelihood of attaining a desirable outcome is greater.

Problem exploration.

In this step, the counselor explores the roots of your feeling of inadequacy, low self-confidence, and self-belief. The source of your nagging internal voice that has been draining your internal energy is identified and revealed to you. Call it an a-ha moment or self-realization, with the problem source in front, it becomes a lot easier to address the issue. After identification, the counselor gets an idea about what treatment plan could suit you, what goals to be set and achieved, how to assess you and provide options and alternatives as things progress. The problem exploration process goes through different stages by itself.

Broadly you can share:

• How self-esteem is affecting your daily life.
• Behaviors and thought patterns that bug you.
• How long the problem has existed.
• When does it appear and is it predictable based on situations?
• Activities you perform every day or how your typical day progresses.
• Family history.
• Personal history.

Every counselor has their list of questions that they might ask to diagnose your problem. So it is likely that you will be asked a lot more things than the ones pointed above.

Setting of goals and seeking a commitment to action.

It is often observed that people with psychological problems do not have a way to get out of it. As the counselor sets goals after examining the problem, you will have a path in front of you to relief. This creates motivation in you to work towards achieving those goals. The goals set by counselors are specially catered to suit your everyday life, personal knowledge, and skills. They are measurable in terms of progress. So it becomes easier for you to know how you are doing and have a better understanding of what needs to be accomplished.

The counselor will define the goals in simple terms while explaining its benefits and limitations. This builds confidence and hope in you to make an effort at dealing with your low self-esteem problem. Apart from setting goals and explaining them to you, the counselor will break them down into manageable parts and give you strategies to follow and achieve them. As you accomplish the set goals, it increases your mental capacity to appreciate yourself and face criticism without getting bogged down.

Shedding years of self-doubt takes effort and time.

You can overcome low self-esteem problems and reach new heights in life when you decide to take action for yourself and your quality of life.

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

how can I add more love to the world

How can I add more love to the world?

“How can I add more love to the world?” is a great question we should ask ourselves each day.

– SCOTT STABILE

Couples Counseling Long IslandLearn the communication process of Imago relationship therapy at our next couples workshop in Huntington, NY.

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. Getting The Love You Want has helped many people experience satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists.

When you first start dating someone new, it’s natural to wonder whether your relationship will be able to stand the test of time or eventually fall apart. As infatuated with each other as you and your partner might be in the beginning, the reality is that not every couple can make things work long-term.

So what’s the main difference between couples who last and those who break up? Couples who last long-term know that having healthy communication habits in a relationship is the key to success — and even if they communicate well already, they’re still always striving to improve their communication skills.

There’s nothing worse than trying to have a productive conversation with your partner, and feeling like they’re totally disregarding your point of view. If you want your relationship to last, it’s important that you’re both able to view your partner’s opinion as valid, even if you disagree with it.

Your relationship is much more likely to be a long, happy one if you and your partner both make an active effort to communicate, both well and often. If you want to learn the secrets to long-term relationship success, attend one of our next weekend couples workshops or contact me for more info. on counseling.

Imago relationship therapy workshops

Imago Workshops for Couples in Long Island

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Imago relationship therapist Long Island New York

Individuals can use an Imago Relationship Therapist too!

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imago relationship therapy for individuals long island ny

Imago Relationship Therapy for Individuals Long Island, NY

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