Tag: <span>Couples Counseling Long Island</span>

the spiral experience in relationships - Imago therapy NY

The spiral experience in relationships – Imago therapy NY

Robin talks about the spiral experience in relationships according to Imago relationship therapy during her couples’ intensive workshops in Long Island, New York. For more information on couples counseling, contact Robin today.

marrying partners like our parents

All relationships start off with a flood of good emotions, then couples begin to hit a wall when things get challenging. What Robin teaches is that this is a normal cycle, and in order to come out on the other side better, we must be aware and DO THE WORK to get to a place of real love and safety.

It all starts when you or your partner perceive a disconnect: in intimacy, in support, or in understanding of each other.

Then you notice that you don’t feel as close to or as attracted to your partner as you used to be. This makes you sad because you remember what it was like to be so giddy in love when you were first together.

You have a realization that something has gone wrong. At this point, you start to feel anxious. You begin to look for a reason or a scapegoat, for those negative feelings. In this case, your partner becomes the scapegoat. You start to look for what your partner is doing wrong or what he/she is neglecting to do:

They left the house without saying goodbye. They forgot to tell you they invited friends over for drinks tonight. They left dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. They didn’t call you to tell you they’d be getting home late.

Now you have something to latch onto. You criticize and attack your partner. They did something wrong because of a flaw in their character. This becomes a power struggle.

When you’re in this state of looking for reasons why your partner is causing your unhappiness, you only see what they’re doing wrong. You ignore all the things your partner may be doing right.

What’s interesting about this is that science has shown that women subconsciously use criticism as a way to draw their partner in and as an indication to move closer. That’s not how a man sees complaining and criticism! When a woman criticizes, the man believes he’s failed in some way, and begins to feel hurt, ashamed, and misunderstood. This makes him angry with himself. But he doesn’t want to direct his anger at you, so he withdraws. He stops talking. He grows cold. He seems to ignore you. He may even leave the room or the house.

When a man withdraws, he’s often protecting you from his anger. But if he withdraws long enough and often enough, you don’t feel safe or connected. This again causes you to feel contempt. When you’re in a state of contempt, you believe they can no longer do anything right, because their actions aren’t just what’s wrong. THEY are wrong.

When you’re in a state of contempt, you also may say mean things, be sarcastic, or belittle them… Contempt is ugly. Once you start to feel it, it’s much more difficult to bring the relationship back. That’s because with contempt, you believe you’ve made up your mind about your partner, and it’s not good. They can’t do anything right. They can’t give you what you need. They’re flawed.

Now it’s just a matter of time before things fall apart. That’s why it’s so important to recognize EARLY ON if you’re falling into relationship failure and do the things that will reconnect with your partner, FAST.

How can you do that? You both must make the decision to recommit to your relationship with curiosity.

Rather than complain, criticize, or ask your your partner to stop doing things that annoy you, look for ways to add positives to your relationship. Ask questions on how your partner feels. Be curious on how they’re feeling as well. That is by far the most effective way to turn any relationship around. This will forge a stronger connection with your partner, knowing that you are both on the same page looking for more love, intimacy, and trust.

When you strengthen intimacy and connection, your entire relationship changes for the better.

The spiral experience in relationships is something you should be aware of from the start so when you feel that things are not going smoothly, you can know what to do to get back on track and move forward stronger together!

For more information on Imago relationship therapy, follow Robin on Facebook!

imago relationship therapy NY

The Imago Dialogue for Couples

If you feel that your relationship is lacking intimacy, I highly encourage you to look into the Imago Dialogue. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I help guide couples who struggle for re-connection to find their way, develop better communication skills, and fully be heard and understood. Once this happens, couples open up, their hearts open, and their relationships are revived with a new hope and feeling of intimacy with one another.

Effective communication is really the lubrication to your relationship. It matters to both partners to have the freedom and safety to express their concerns/resentments/issues and fully be heard.

The Imago Dialogue

In the Imago Dialogue, both partners agree to a basic ground rule: one person talks at a time.

There is one person who is speaking (aka sending) and another who is listening (aka receiving).

It’s when you’re in the role of Listener/Receiver that you will be doing the 3 steps of Imago Dialogue which are:

• Mirroring
• Validation
• Empathy

STEP 1: MIRROR

When your partner pauses, or perhaps when you have asked them to pause, you will repeat back exactly everything you heard them say. You will mirror without analyzing, critiquing, modifying or responding.

EXAMPLE: “If I got it right, I heard you say…” and then ask the Speaker/Sender if there’s more they’d like to add to what they said: “Is there anything else you want to add/say?”

STEP 2: VALIDATE

After giving the Sender as many opportunities to “add more” as needed, once the Sender says there is no more, the Receiver attempts to validate what the Sender said. The Sender will validate if what they are hearing back from you is making logical sense to them – if they feel you got the message. If the Sender feels that you didn’t understand what they’ve told you, you simply share what does make sense to you, and then ask the Sender to say more about the parts that don’t.

EXAMPLE: “This makes sense to me because…” or “That makes sense, I can see where…”

Ask for clarification:  “This part makes sense, but help me understand this, can you say more?”

STEP 3: EMPATHIZE

In the final step, the Receiver takes a guess as to what they imagine the Sender might be feeling with regard to what they have been saying. If the Sender has already said how they feel, then the Receiver can simply reflect this back once more. If the Receiver can think of an additional way their partner might be feeling, this is where they add that.

When sending empathy, it is fine to say something such as:  “I can imagine you feel like …. (you’re the only one working on our relationship).” However, it’s important to know that once the word “like” comes into play, what’s being expressed is a thought, not a feeling. The best way we have come to distinguish the difference between a thought and a feeling, is that a feeling can generally be described in a few words: happy, excited, safe, cared for, hurt, frustrated, scared. Try to include feeling words if you can. Doing so, especially when lucky enough to hit the proverbial nail on the head, will often bring a look of recognition and joy to your partner’s face faster than anything else you could say.

EXAMPLE:  “I can imagine you might be feeling drained from this…”

Now that the Sender has said all they have to say and the Receiver has mirrored, validated and empathized, the whole process reverses. Partners trade places, but the new Sender does not start a new topic, rather s/he responds to what the first Sender said. The Receiver now gets their turn to respond with whatever came up for them while the first partner was sending.

If you are interested in learning more about using Imago Dialogue for your relationship, contact Robin Newman, LCSW.

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Robin Newman LCSW Long Island, marriage counselor talks about empathy

How do you teach empathy?

Robin Newman, how do you teach empathy?

Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else’s position and feeling what they must be feeling.

I like to explain empathy as looking at a sunset. Imagine standing next to your partner on a dock looking at a sunset. Everyone sees colors differently. What colors are you seeing? What colors does your partner see? Maybe you do this in real life to show how differently we all see and what we focus on.

This is a glimpse into empathy. It’s all about perception. Maybe you focus on the blues and your partner is seeing more oranges in a sunset. Is there a correct answer to what we’re seeing? Not really… it’s just what we as individuals personally focus on.

Empathy is about letting go of our vision and truly trying to see someone else’s.

If we can only learn to see things through another person’s eyes, our understanding of other people would be greater, maybe our tolerance and acceptance would be greater, and our relationships (in all forms) would be better.

CONTACT ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

couples counseling - love & empathy

The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center
148 East Main Street Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 421-4701

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”

Imago Relationship Therapy founders

Marriage (even for marriage experts) is never easy.

Imago therapy is a highly effective form of relationship and couples therapy that has positively affected thousands of couples around the world. This transformational method of therapy was developed 25 years ago by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, and provides resources for couples & individuals seeking to find a way to be more effective in their life and relationships.

Just like any other couple, Harville & Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change each other to be “more like me.”

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT - a guide for couples

A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments.

Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation.

After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. They started to lose hope that their relationship would survive.

Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to doing everything possible to salvage their relationship.

Harville & Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples & families by a creating relational culture that supports universal equality and effective communication.

It offers communication tools that will allow both people to feel safe & connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner. Couples workshops with Robin Newman, LCSW.

Really being seen.

We feel loved when we feel seen, deeply perceived, and validated. When another human being responds to us, we feel understood.

Being able to be seen requires being vulnerable. It means that we reveal ourselves or that we put ourselves in such close proximity to another human being that he/she can really see us. Some of us are afraid of being seen. We don’t want our secrets to show. We’re afraid that having disclosed the inner reaches of ourselves, we won’t feel safe or be loved.

Others of us are afraid of not being seen – remaining forever invisible and unacknowledged. Today, reveal something to the person you love, which in the past you have kept hidden. Then allow yourself to see something in them which previously was overlooked or ignored.

Intimacy grows when we are seeing, when we allow ourselves to truly behold one another.

One of the beautiful things about Imago Relationship Therapy is we practice safety and we help you to be seen by your partner and have you to be able to see your partner as well. During our Getting The Love You Want workshops, we give you the tools to help one another.

Do you feel like you’re stuck? Do you feel frustrated? Do you desperately want to connect with your partner, but don’t understand how to do that because you’re afraid of being vulnerable? What’s beautiful about the workshop is it will teach you all of these things. Allow us to help you to be seen in a safe place and go home with tools to connect with your partner.

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TherapistLongIsland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

intimacy - The Relationship Vision

The Relationship Vision

We have an exercise called the relationship vision. It is a deliberate and conscious process that helps us explore what we really want from a relationship.

Companies have vision statements to articulate their values, define their goals, and give employees direction. Relationships need them as well. What’s interesting about this exercise is that it can be morphed into anything such as vacations, finances, raising children, family planning, etc.

What the relationship vision looks like is both partners write out their vision of what they’d like to see happening, in a positive manner, as an affirmation. The other partner then does the same thing. You then incorporate the intentional dialogue with these two visions, so that it’s mirrored, summarized, validated, and empathized with.

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center
148 East Main Street Huntington, NY 11743

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”

For more information on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

therapistlongisland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

couples therapist Long Island - Therapy for Better Mental Health

Couples Therapist Long Island

Robin Newman LCSW Long Island, marriage counselor talks about empathy

ROBIN NEWMAN LCSW-R PC:

Advanced Certified IMAGO Relationship Therapist
Adjunct professor at Adelphi School of Social Work
Couples Therapist Long Island, New York

Robin provides counseling for couples of all kinds:  dating, married, separated, divorced, same sex

Rediscover the joy you once had.

Renew the vision for your relationship.

Restore the passion in your love life.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TRANSFORMATION IS NEAR

·     Become passionate best friends again
·     Learn how to end the power struggles
·     Learn secrets to a satisfying relationship
·     Gain understanding and insight into each other
·     Experience compassion for yourself and your partner
·     Harness conflict and redirect to growth
·     Start the journey of healing
·     Rediscover the safety, the connection, the power of two!

< WATCH ROBIN NEWMAN ON YOUTUBE – Couples Therapist Long Island>

Common Communication Issues in Relationships
with Robin Newman, couples therapist Long Island

What clients are saying about couples therapist Robin Newman:

“Robin is a skilled and caring therapist. She truly believes in Imago relationship therapy and it shows. She is amazing, caring and intuitive while also being informative. I like the dialogue because it helps me to communicate more effectively with my partner. We thank you for helping us to love each other on a deeper level.”
intimacy - couples counseling - love
Donna M.
marriage therapy Huntington, NY

Imago Relationship Therapy – Appreciate Your Partner

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC

Individual, Family & Couples Counseling Long Island, NY.

Appreciate Your Partner

The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center
148 East Main Street Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 421-4701

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”

couples counseling Long IslandABOUT ROBIN NEWMAN:
I am a licensed clinical social worker, Imago relationship therapist, as well as an adjunct professor at the Graduate School of Social Work at Adelphi University. I’m a contributing therapist to Ladies Home Journal Magazine, “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” and the online magazine “Parenting Special Needs, Relationship Rescue”.

I work with couples, families and individuals.

I’m successful in guiding my patients through anxiety, depression, self-esteem challenges, addictions, and/or family conflicts. The key for me is always in the patient who has the courage and openness to heal. We all have wounds that can hold us back from creating satisfying relationships. It is a privilege and a blessing to be invited into the lives of others and assist them in having a more productive and healed life.

Couples Counseling Long Island

Imago Couples Therapy

Getting The Love You Want Workshops

For couples who’ve been married for a long time, for people that are not married but living together, for people that are dating, and for people that are planning on getting married.

What the workshop involves are multiple exercises between each couple. This is not group therapy. Nothing is publicly shared.

Conflict is growth waiting to happen. Stand in it and allow ourselves to work from it, to grow from it with our partner. 2 opinions can be right and exist in the same space.

Imago Relationship Therapy: See through your partner’s eyes.

Understand the art of communication.

Learn better communication skills with one another.

Learn how to listen better.

Learn how to empathize and validate your partner.

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC ** Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Psychotherapist & Professor at Adelphi University, Graduate School of Social Work

148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743

Imago Couples Therapy Long Island

relationship therapist LINY Imago is a type of relationship therapy which provides a unique opportunity for couples to learn how to use the issues that they have in their relationship for growth and healing. It offers communication tools that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

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The Beauty of Imago Relationship Therapy

The Beauty of Imago Relationship Therapy

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Psychotherapist & Professor at Adelphi University, Graduate School of Social Work

Imago Relationship Therapy:

Imago is a type of relationship therapy which provides a unique opportunity for couples to learn how to use the issues that they have in their relationship for growth and healing. It offers communication tools that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

  • See through your partner’s eyes.
  • Understand the art of communication.
  • Learn better communication skills with one another.
  • Learn how to listen better.
  • Learn how to empathize and validate your partner.
  • 2 opinions can be right and exist in the same space.

The Beauty of Imago Relationship Therapy

Getting The Love You Want Workshops:

For couples who’ve been married for a long time, for people that are not married but living together, for people that are dating, and for people that are planning on getting married.

What the workshop involves are multiple exercises between each couple. This is not group therapy. Nothing is publicly shared.

Individual, Couples & Family Counseling

148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743

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