Tag: Couples Counseling Long Island

Couples Therapy Relationship Tips Couples Counseling Long Island • Getting The Love You Want • Imago Relationship Therapist • marriage counselor Huntington • relationship counseling August 15, 2023 By Robin Newman 0 Comments

Your daily habits define relationship longevity.

You are what you do daily… so make good habits for yourself and your relationship!

“The happiness of most people is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things.”
– Ernest Dimnet

Gratitude

Your daily habits with the person you love will define the overall health of the relationship. So, show some appreciation! Showing gratitude for your partner is an important way to boost satisfaction. Couples who feel (and express) gratitude daily for one another feel closer, and tend to be more satisfied in their relationship.

Gratitude makes us feel happier and more secure with our partners. So the next time you think it doesn’t matter if you say, “thank you” for something your partner did, think again. Consider the negative feelings we all tend to feel if we notice a lack of appreciation from our partners over time. Everyone likes to hear positive reinforcement, and it shouldn’t matter if you’ve known your partner for 6 months or 25 years. It’s about the daily habits that you create with one another.

Attention

Becoming complacent is a common obstacle couples face. Some couples find that once they get used to each other, they stop putting in as much effort as they once did. It’s important to stay mindful of whether or not your partner is getting the time / attention they deserve.

Carving out time to enjoy each other is a foundational element of a relationship’s longevity. This will look different for each couple but things like playing / having fun together, creating meaningful moments, or supporting each other’s hobbies are all ways to make time for your relationship.

Affection

It goes without saying that love should be a part of any healthy romantic relationship. But more subtle than love is the expression of it in the form of affection and genuine interest. Do you actually like your partner? Small gestures of affection (hugs, kisses, comforting touch, sweet words, etc.) can go a long way to keeping each person feeling secure, wanted and appreciated.

Subscribe to the Huntington Relationship Center on YouTube

Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Relationship Tips Therapy communication tips • Couples Counseling Long Island • Getting The Love You Want • Imago Relationship Therapist • relationship therapist LINY • The Art of Communication June 13, 2023 By Christine 0 Comments

Choose Your Words Wisely

Choose your words wisely… Words are an instrument to heal or wound – to connect or separate.

Try to think about the words you use with your partner this week… Do they heal or wound, connect or separate?

The traumatizing and/or healing effect that words can have on people.. especially when in a committed relationship, can make or break the longevity of a couple.

Words that are compassionate and non-judgmental have the power to calm, soothe, and re-ground us.

They activate our social engagement response, helping us to feel safely connected to other people. This has the effect of reducing fears, anxiety, and a sense of isolation.

Words can de-escalate a flight-fight response, enabling us to successfully navigate challenges rather than wildly striking out or fleeing.

Loving words of encouragement give us hope, enhance self-esteem, and enable us to take healthy risks in life that allow for ongoing personal and professional growth.

So please take the time to notice the words you use when interacting with others. Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say to my child, my partner, my co-worker, the stranger in line ahead of me, kind or unkind?” “What impact will my words have on this person?”

And keep in mind that when you text or e-mail, tone of voice, emotion, animation, body language, and facial expressions are all missing. Therefore, your word choice is even more important as it is the sole way in which your message will be communicated and received.

original source

couples counseling - communication techniques

Couples Therapy Relationship Tips Social Work Therapy Couples Counseling Long Island • Imago Relationship Therapy • listening skills • marriage counseling Huntington • The Art of Communication April 12, 2023 By Christine 0 Comments

Listening To Your Partner With Neutrality

Robin Newman and David Weber discuss how they see couples shut down communicating with one another, and how it leads to less and less communication overall. Listening to your partner with neutrality / keeping your defenses down leads to more emotional intimacy — a closeness between two people who feel safe and secure with each other — it is one of the ways that we form trust.

Communication is 50% speaking and 50% listening.

Even if you disagree with what your partner is saying, do you still give them the opportunity to be themselves and tell you how they honestly feel? Listening to your partner with neutrality can be a total game changer in relationships.

Through Imago dialogue, couples can learn how to clearly communicate their desires / frustrations.

If you feel that your relationship is lacking intimacy, I highly encourage you to look into the Imago Dialogue. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I help guide couples who struggle for re-connection to find their way, develop better communication skills, and fully be heard and understood. Once this happens, couples open up, their hearts open, and their relationships are revived with a new hope and feeling of intimacy with one another.

Effective communication is really the lubrication to your relationship. It matters to both partners to have the freedom and safety to express their concerns/resentments/issues and fully be heard.

~ Subscribe to the Huntington Relationship Center on YouTube ~

getting the love you want weekend workshop couples therapy long island 2022

Couples Therapy Relationship Tips Workshops couples boot camp • Couples Counseling Long Island • couples workshop • couples workshop Long Island • couples workshops Long Island • Getting The Love You Want • Huntington Relationship Center • Imago Relationship Therapist • Imago Relationship Therapy • The Art of Communication • weekend couples workshops July 8, 2022 By Robin Newman 1 Comment

Getting The Love You Want Couples Workshop 2022

We’re excited to share with you our new dates for our weekend couples counseling workshop, ‘Getting The Love You Want’ in Long Island, New York.

Taking place in Huntington, NY, this intensive couples workshop gets right into it, no messing around. Robin Newman, Imago Relationship Therapist, Social Worker & Owner of the Huntington Relationship Center will be facilitating the event along with her husband, Don.

September 17 & 18, 2022
10 am – 6 pm

Couples’ counseling workshops are 2 days on the weekend in Huntington, New York.

Treated as a “bootcamp” for couples who wish to improve communication, intimacy, and understanding. Robin & Don teach couples specific communication techniques that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

This workshop is designed for married & single couples of all gender & sexual orientations.

The Getting The Love You Want Workshop will be taking place at:

Mountainside Huntington

141 E. Main Street, Huntington, NY 11743

Mountainside Huntington is conveniently located in Long Island, New York, and is within easy commuting distance for residents in Suffolk County and Nassau County.

$975.00 per couple

Sign up today to secure your spot: We have limited space since couples break off into private rooms at points to talk privately.

What you will discover in a Getting the Love You Want workshop for couples:

Why the very qualities that attracted you to each other now often drive you crazy.
How to get to the root of your problems and learn how to dissolve them.
How to successfully communicate your frustrations & desires to get your needs met.
How you and your partner can express your love and appreciation in ways that work for both of you.
Greater compassion and understanding – of both yourself and your partner.
How to create fun, romance, passion, and intimacy.
How to re-establish the excitement and intimacy of your first months or years together.
How to achieve growth and lasting fulfillment – for both of you.

Get professional counseling from a licensed therapist in this intensive weekend couples workshop right here in Long Island, New York

“We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship.”

Have Questions?

Call Robin Newman for additional information on this couples workshop (631) 421-4701

Email Robin Newman

Ready to Sign Up?

Payments for the workshop are made via Venmo to Robin Newman, LCSW

Getting The Love You Want Weekend Couples Workshop Huntington, NY 2022

Click Here To RSVP To Our ‘Getting The Love You Want’ Couples Workshop

RSVP →

Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Couples Counseling Long Island • Getting The Love You Want • Imago Relationship Therapy • marriage counselor Huntington • relationship counseling • Robin Newman June 21, 2022 By Robin Newman 0 Comments

Your Relationship Issues Were There Before Covid

Your Relationship Issues Were There Before Covid with Robin Newman, LCSW in Long Island

So, one of the things that I am finding ‘post-covid’ now that things are opening up more is people coming in individually, not as a couple, to talk about the disillusionment of their relationship and how Covid has put their relationship over the top.

The first thing I say to them is, I need you to check in with yourself, because as much as I do understand that Covid has put your relationship over the top, I’m going to invite you to consider that these issues were all there before covid.

Being locked in with your significant other / wife / husband / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner is going to bring out the ugly stuff because there is no exit.

There’s some healthy exits and there are some unhealthy exits.

Unhealthy Exits:

Drinking Too Much
Working Too Much
Eating Too Much

Healthy Exits:

Creating Space For Yourself
Having A Balanced Life

I try to explain to people that maybe they need to look inward at what their accountability is in the relationship process and what’s happening. How they have fed into ‘the challenge’ that’s occurring in the relationship and we go from there.

Stay Tuned For Our Next Long Island Couples Workshop Dates!

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC Individual, Couples & Family Therapist
The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center 148 East Main Street Huntington, NY (631) 421-4701

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”
Robin Newman, LCSW

ABOUT ROBIN NEWMAN: I am a licensed clinical social worker, Imago relationship therapist, as well as an adjunct professor at the Graduate School of Social Work at Adelphi University. I’m a contributing therapist to Ladies Home Journal Magazine, “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” and the online magazine “Parenting Special Needs, Relationship Rescue”.

I work with couples, families and individuals. I’m successful in guiding my patients through anxiety, depression, self-esteem challenges, addictions, and/or family conflicts. The key for me is always in the patient who has the courage and openness to heal. We all have wounds that can hold us back from creating satisfying relationships. It is a privilege and a blessing to be invited into the lives of others and assist them in having a more productive and healed life.

Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Relationship Tips Therapy break up • Couples Counseling Long Island • Getting The Love You Want • Imago Relationship Therapy • marriage therapist • relationship therapy March 19, 2022 By Christine 0 Comments

When is it time to break up?

What should you do if you’re in doubt about whether you should stay or leave the relationship you’re currently in? How do you know when a relationship is over?

Well, there’s many answers to this, and it’s quite nuanced to our individual lives, but here’s a very small list of signs that your relationship may be on the road to a break up.

1. You tend to tolerate more than you would with anyone else.

Now, in relationships, we’ll always be finding new ways to compromise, and tolerating your significant other’s silly habits or quirks, well, that’s pretty normal. This is stuff like not putting away dishes or leaving the front door unlocked or something annoying but insignificant.

But for example, if a friend or co-worker is constantly putting you down or finding new ways to make you feel self-conscious, you would probably stop communicating with those people, right? What if your partner constantly hurt your feelings or did things in spite of how badly you felt about them? If you’re in a relationship where your partner is consistently criticizing everything you do or making you feel worse about most things, evaluate if you react differently to your partner versus the rest of the world when it comes to how they treat you.

2. You do not have aligned life goals.

When you first got together with your partner, did you ever discuss whether it was just for fun’s sake or if you had other visions in mind? I.E. creating a family, owning a home, getting married, or something deeper? Do you think you have compatible life goals with your partner? For example, if one person wants children and the other person does not, this is a valid reason to consider leaving a relationship.

You both aren’t working towards a similar goal to keep you marching in the same direction as a team. When two people share a similar long term goal, they generally have a better chance at staying together. If two people have contrasting views on how they want their future to look like, this could eventually start to divide the commonality in a couple.

3. There’s a lack of attention from one or both people in a couple.

In order to give a plant the best chance of growing and thriving, it needs its basic ingredients: water, sun, and soil. This goes for couples in the same way. A relationship needs nurturing, time and attention to make it successfully satisfying.

What does this mean? In your relationship, do you have planned outings together? Are you going on dates still? Or taking vacations / staycations together? How are you both ‘sowing’ your relationship seed? If one person is always tending to the health of the relationship and the other person does nothing about it, this seems as if the lopsidedness of care will eventually make the one person who’s trying to help, give up. Let’s face it, all relationships take constant work. Make sure that you both are doing whatever is needed to make your connection stay strong.

These are just 3 common aspects that may indicate that a break up could be a possibility. Don’t let this sway you into giving up automatically, we can all change if we decide we want to and are given the right tools to do so.

If you’re struggling with whether to work on your relationship or leave, consider talking with a couples counselor before making any sudden movements. You can work out all the insecurities you have, as well as get a chance to talk about your concerns in a 100% confidential and judgement free space.

Contact Robin Newman for more information on counseling near you.

Watch Robin on Facebook!

baggage in relationships - protective behavior

Couples Therapy Family Therapy Individual Therapy Therapy attachment theory • Couples Counseling Long Island • Imago Relationship Therapy • relationship counseling • Robin Newman • The Art of Communication March 12, 2022 By Christine 0 Comments

Attachment Styles in Relationships

Have you ever evaluated the attachment styles in your relationships; whether intimate, friendly or career-based? When we recognize the roles that we play in relationships, we become more aware of our habits & behavior patterns. With this awareness, comes the possibility for change within ourselves and an improved sense of well-being in our relationships.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, there’s a dynamic that is seen in most relationships described as, “The Octopus & The Turtle.”

The Octopus is the person who reaches toward the other for connection during a fight.

The Turtle is the person who withdraws by either shutting down or leaving the room.

Our attachment styles are developed in early childhood. But despite this fact, even if one person was more of a turtle in another relationship, it can change; any person with a desire to change, can.

Remember, who we choose as our partner powerfully affects our ability to thrive in the world.

When you learn about your own attachment styles, and your partner’s, you can then be clear about your needs in a relationship and what makes you happy. This is an important step towards relationship success.

Are you a turtle or an octopus when it comes to love?

Contact me for more information on counseling in Long Island.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

Watch Robin Newman on YouTube

Couples Therapy Couples Counseling Long Island • couples therapy New York • Imago Relationship Therapy • Imago therapist • marriage therapist May 10, 2021 By Robin Newman 0 Comments

The spiral experience in relationships – Imago therapy NY

Robin talks about the spiral experience in relationships according to Imago relationship therapy during her couples’ intensive workshops in Long Island, New York. For more information on couples counseling, contact Robin today.

All relationships start off with a flood of good emotions, then couples begin to hit a wall when things get challenging. What Robin teaches is that this is a normal cycle, and in order to come out on the other side better, we must be aware and DO THE WORK to get to a place of real love and safety.

It all starts when you or your partner perceive a disconnect: in intimacy, in support, or in understanding of each other.

Then you notice that you don’t feel as close to or as attracted to your partner as you used to be. This makes you sad because you remember what it was like to be so giddy in love when you were first together.

You have a realization that something has gone wrong. At this point, you start to feel anxious. You begin to look for a reason or a scapegoat, for those negative feelings. In this case, your partner becomes the scapegoat. You start to look for what your partner is doing wrong or what he/she is neglecting to do:

They left the house without saying goodbye. They forgot to tell you they invited friends over for drinks tonight. They left dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. They didn’t call you to tell you they’d be getting home late.

Now you have something to latch onto. You criticize and attack your partner. They did something wrong because of a flaw in their character. This becomes a power struggle.

When you’re in this state of looking for reasons why your partner is causing your unhappiness, you only see what they’re doing wrong. You ignore all the things your partner may be doing right.

What’s interesting about this is that science has shown that women subconsciously use criticism as a way to draw their partner in and as an indication to move closer. That’s not how a man sees complaining and criticism! When a woman criticizes, the man believes he’s failed in some way, and begins to feel hurt, ashamed, and misunderstood. This makes him angry with himself. But he doesn’t want to direct his anger at you, so he withdraws. He stops talking. He grows cold. He seems to ignore you. He may even leave the room or the house.

When a man withdraws, he’s often protecting you from his anger. But if he withdraws long enough and often enough, you don’t feel safe or connected. This again causes you to feel contempt. When you’re in a state of contempt, you believe they can no longer do anything right, because their actions aren’t just what’s wrong. THEY are wrong.

When you’re in a state of contempt, you also may say mean things, be sarcastic, or belittle them… Contempt is ugly. Once you start to feel it, it’s much more difficult to bring the relationship back. That’s because with contempt, you believe you’ve made up your mind about your partner, and it’s not good. They can’t do anything right. They can’t give you what you need. They’re flawed.

Now it’s just a matter of time before things fall apart. That’s why it’s so important to recognize EARLY ON if you’re falling into relationship failure and do the things that will reconnect with your partner, FAST.

How can you do that? You both must make the decision to recommit to your relationship with curiosity.

Rather than complain, criticize, or ask your your partner to stop doing things that annoy you, look for ways to add positives to your relationship. Ask questions on how your partner feels. Be curious on how they’re feeling as well. That is by far the most effective way to turn any relationship around. This will forge a stronger connection with your partner, knowing that you are both on the same page looking for more love, intimacy, and trust.

When you strengthen intimacy and connection, your entire relationship changes for the better.

The spiral experience in relationships is something you should be aware of from the start so when you feel that things are not going smoothly, you can know what to do to get back on track and move forward stronger together!

For more information on Imago relationship therapy, follow Robin on Facebook!

Couples Therapy Relationship Tips Couples Counseling Long Island • Imago Relationship Therapist • Imago Relationship Therapy • relationship counselor March 10, 2021 By Robin Newman 1 Comment

The Imago Dialogue for Couples

Effective communication is really the lubrication to your relationship. It matters to both partners to have the freedom and safety to express their concerns/resentments/issues and fully be heard.

The Imago Dialogue

In the Imago Dialogue, both partners agree to a basic ground rule: one person talks at a time.

There is one person who is speaking (aka sending) and another who is listening (aka receiving).

It’s when you’re in the role of Listener/Receiver that you will be doing the 3 steps of Imago Dialogue which are:

• Mirroring
• Validation
• Empathy

STEP 1: MIRROR

When your partner pauses, or perhaps when you have asked them to pause, you will repeat back exactly everything you heard them say. You will mirror without analyzing, critiquing, modifying or responding.

EXAMPLE: “If I got it right, I heard you say…” and then ask the Speaker/Sender if there’s more they’d like to add to what they said: “Is there anything else you want to add/say?”

STEP 2: VALIDATE

After giving the Sender as many opportunities to “add more” as needed, once the Sender says there is no more, the Receiver attempts to validate what the Sender said. The Sender will validate if what they are hearing back from you is making logical sense to them – if they feel you got the message. If the Sender feels that you didn’t understand what they’ve told you, you simply share what does make sense to you, and then ask the Sender to say more about the parts that don’t.

EXAMPLE: “This makes sense to me because…” or “That makes sense, I can see where…”
Ask for clarification: “This part makes sense, but help me understand this, can you say more?”

STEP 3: EMPATHIZE

In the final step, the Receiver takes a guess as to what they imagine the Sender might be feeling with regard to what they have been saying. If the Sender has already said how they feel, then the Receiver can simply reflect this back once more. If the Receiver can think of an additional way their partner might be feeling, this is where they add that.

When sending empathy, it is fine to say something such as: “I can imagine you feel like …. (you’re the only one working on our relationship).” However, it’s important to know that once the word “like” comes into play, what’s being expressed is a thought, not a feeling. The best way we have come to distinguish the difference between a thought and a feeling, is that a feeling can generally be described in a few words: happy, excited, safe, cared for, hurt, frustrated, scared. Try to include feeling words if you can. Doing so, especially when lucky enough to hit the proverbial nail on the head, will often bring a look of recognition and joy to your partner’s face faster than anything else you could say.

EXAMPLE: “I can imagine you might be feeling drained from this…”

Now that the Sender has said all they have to say and the Receiver has mirrored, validated and empathized, the whole process reverses. Partners trade places, but the new Sender does not start a new topic, rather s/he responds to what the first Sender said. The Receiver now gets their turn to respond with whatever came up for them while the first partner was sending.

If you are interested in learning more about using Imago Dialogue for your relationship, contact Robin Newman, LCSW.

Like The Huntington Relationship Center on Facebook!

Robin Newman licensed clinical social worker Long Island, marriage counselor talks about empathy

Social Work Therapy Couples Counseling Long Island • empathy • individual therapy • mental health counselor Huntington • understanding February 13, 2021 By Robin Newman 0 Comments

How do you teach empathy?

Robin Newman, how do you teach empathy?

Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else’s position and feeling what they must be feeling.

I like to explain empathy as looking at a sunset. Imagine standing next to your partner on a dock looking at a sunset. Everyone sees colors differently. What colors are you seeing? What colors does your partner see? Maybe you do this in real life to show how differently we all see and what we focus on.

This is a glimpse into empathy. It’s all about perception. Maybe you focus on the blues and your partner is seeing more oranges in a sunset. Is there a correct answer to what we’re seeing? Not really… it’s just what we as individuals personally focus on.

Empathy is about letting go of our vision and truly trying to see someone else’s.

If we can only learn to see things through another person’s eyes, our understanding of other people would be greater, maybe our tolerance and acceptance would be greater, and our relationships (in all forms) would be better.

CONTACT ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

The Huntington Relationship & Therapy Center
148 East Main Street Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 421-4701

“My approach towards couples is oriented not only towards solving the problems the couple is facing, but to revive the feeling of love and affection they have towards each other.”