Tag: <span>relationship therapist</span>

baggage in relationships

How we bring baggage into our relationships.

Emotional baggage is what people often carry into relationships.

Simply put, “baggage” is the collection of unpleasant memories from the past that continue to negatively affect our perception and behavior in the present.

How and why do we bring baggage into our relationships from the past?

unmet needs - baggage in relationships - Imago therapy

Unmet Needs:

Each of these must be met or we will not feel secure:

Attachment: I’m connected to my caretakers and can depend upon them.

Exploration: I can leave Mom & Dad and come back. I’m not smothered.

Identity I am secure in who I am. I don’t have to be like anyone else.

Competency: I can reach for my dreams and find success without shame.

lost parts - baggage in relationships - Imago therapy

Lost Parts:

We’re born with 4 beautiful ways to connect to others:

Thinking: I can have my own ideas.
Sensing: It’s okay to explore my body.
Feeling: I can have feelings that are different from yours.
Acting: I can show my feelings.

baggage in relationships - protective behavior

Protective behaviors are always defensive and adaptive.

They allow us to restore a sense of safety and to continue living and being accepted by our parents, whom we adore and love unconditionally, despite the pain, as infants and young kids. But they can also create problems when their ability to defend and protect is mistaken for an attack.

We look for partners who make us whole, shedding the need to use any protective behaviors. When we can release these protective behaviors in our baggage, we are able to live a freer life.

Although we categorize our baggage into three separate areas, know that all of our baggage is very closely related.

Our protective behaviors are developed from our unmet needs and lost parts. By failing to embrace all of the parts of our personality, our caregivers fail to meet certain needs.

We can’t always unpack one type of baggage. This process can get messy, confusing, and disorganized. But the benefits of unpacking our baggage and opening it up for our partners to see and understand will have unbelievable benefits on our relationship and our lives.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

 
For more info. on relationship counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

how can I add more love to the world

How can I add more love to the world?

“How can I add more love to the world?” is a great question we should ask ourselves each day.

– SCOTT STABILE

Couples Counseling Long IslandLearn the communication process of Imago relationship therapy at our next couples workshop in Huntington, NY.

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. Getting The Love You Want has helped many people experience satisfying relationships and is recommended every day by professional therapists.

When you first start dating someone new, it’s natural to wonder whether your relationship will be able to stand the test of time or eventually fall apart. As infatuated with each other as you and your partner might be in the beginning, the reality is that not every couple can make things work long-term.

So what’s the main difference between couples who last and those who break up? Couples who last long-term know that having healthy communication habits in a relationship is the key to success — and even if they communicate well already, they’re still always striving to improve their communication skills.

There’s nothing worse than trying to have a productive conversation with your partner, and feeling like they’re totally disregarding your point of view. If you want your relationship to last, it’s important that you’re both able to view your partner’s opinion as valid, even if you disagree with it.

Your relationship is much more likely to be a long, happy one if you and your partner both make an active effort to communicate, both well and often. If you want to learn the secrets to long-term relationship success, attend one of our next weekend couples workshops or contact me for more info. on counseling.

communication process of Imago relationship therapy

The communication process of Imago relationship therapy

Learn the communication process of Imago relationship therapy at our couples workshops located in Huntington – Long Island, NY.

So we break for lunch for an hour to maybe an hour and a half depending on how much material we have gone through and because we all have different ways of learning, we show videos in order to help you to understand more effectively, as examples of how we tend to communicate with each other.

I try to incorporate getting up and moving as much as possible and stretching because we’re sitting for a few hours but everybody has remarked on how the day flies. When we’re finally finished on Sunday, people don’t want to leave and that just makes me feel like I did what I was supposed to do, which was really help the couples and assist them in learning the communication process of Imago relationship therapy – in particular, the intentional dialogue, and just the energy that Don and I bring into the space.

I feel very blessed.

ROBIN NEWMAN, LCSW-R, PC
Individual, Couples & Family Therapist

To learn more about the communication process of Imago relationship therapy or our workshops, please contact me: 631-421-4701

To find the next couples workshop dates, click here.

Thich Nhat Hahn - blaming has no positive effect at all

Relationship Tip #17: Blaming has no positive effect at all.

“Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reasoning and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding.”

Long Island couples therapist

Relationship Tip #17:  This quote from Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that blaming another person does not work; what works is understanding the other.

I find it helps to remember ~ whatever your partner says or does makes sense to him or her, even if it makes no sense to you.

PRIVATE WEEKEND COUPLES’ INTENSIVE WORKSHOPS WITH ROBIN & DON @ THE HUNTINGTON RELATIONSHIP CENTER

Spice Up Your Relationship & Reconnect With Your Partner

For inquiries / to book a couples’ intensive session:

Couples’ counseling intensives are 1 1/2 days on the weekend in Huntington, New York. Treated as a “boot camp” for couples who wish to improve communication, intimacy, and understanding. Robin & Don teach couples specific communication techniques that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Get professional counseling from a licensed therapist in this boot camp weekend couples workshop!

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT: The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love & companionship.
marriage killers - Imago Relationship Therapy New York

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the spiral experience in relationships - Imago therapy NY

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Robin Newman, LCSW Long Island therapists

Are therapists paid to agree with you?

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