Tied Up In Knots…
Try to remember this the next time a fight has you tied up in knots.
The best argument has no winner, and nobody gets blamed.
For the best argument is a dialogue, an intentional dialogue, heated perhaps, needled sometimes with anger no doubt, difficult always, between two people whose positions on a given issue are passionately different.
That two people have different opinions about the same thing, is the measure of their uniqueness.
That they express their differences, is a measure of their courage.
That they are willing to listen to someone else’s position, is a measure of their maturity.
And that they are willing to arrive at a solution, is a measure of the strength of their relationship.
An argument is a forum for a passionate dialogue, not a battleground, or the occasion for a firing squad.
The winner of the truly successful argument is never an individual, but the relationship itself.
So much said in a simple amount of prose. When you think about it, it opens up the question of, what is the intentional dialogue in Imago? And how wonderful a tool to be able to use to talk things out, to understand that two opinions can exist in the same space and both are right. And to be able to see your partner’s / family member’s perception through their eyes. To really give them empathy and validation for those feelings.
This really talks about what the Intentional Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy is truly about.
Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC
Imago Relationship Therapist – Individual, Couples & Family Counseling