Category: <span>Couples Therapy</span>

imago relationship therapy NY

The Imago Dialogue for Couples

If you feel that your relationship is lacking intimacy, I highly encourage you to look into the Imago Dialogue. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I help guide couples who struggle for re-connection to find their way, develop better communication skills, and fully be heard and understood. Once this happens, couples open up, their hearts open, and their relationships are revived with a new hope and feeling of intimacy with one another.

Effective communication is really the lubrication to your relationship. It matters to both partners to have the freedom and safety to express their concerns/resentments/issues and fully be heard.

The Imago Dialogue

In the Imago Dialogue, both partners agree to a basic ground rule: one person talks at a time.

There is one person who is speaking (aka sending) and another who is listening (aka receiving).

It’s when you’re in the role of Listener/Receiver that you will be doing the 3 steps of Imago Dialogue which are:

• Mirroring
• Validation
• Empathy

STEP 1: MIRROR

When your partner pauses, or perhaps when you have asked them to pause, you will repeat back exactly everything you heard them say. You will mirror without analyzing, critiquing, modifying or responding.

EXAMPLE: “If I got it right, I heard you say…” and then ask the Speaker/Sender if there’s more they’d like to add to what they said: “Is there anything else you want to add/say?”

STEP 2: VALIDATE

After giving the Sender as many opportunities to “add more” as needed, once the Sender says there is no more, the Receiver attempts to validate what the Sender said. The Sender will validate if what they are hearing back from you is making logical sense to them – if they feel you got the message. If the Sender feels that you didn’t understand what they’ve told you, you simply share what does make sense to you, and then ask the Sender to say more about the parts that don’t.

EXAMPLE: “This makes sense to me because…” or “That makes sense, I can see where…”

Ask for clarification:  “This part makes sense, but help me understand this, can you say more?”

STEP 3: EMPATHIZE

In the final step, the Receiver takes a guess as to what they imagine the Sender might be feeling with regard to what they have been saying. If the Sender has already said how they feel, then the Receiver can simply reflect this back once more. If the Receiver can think of an additional way their partner might be feeling, this is where they add that.

When sending empathy, it is fine to say something such as:  “I can imagine you feel like …. (you’re the only one working on our relationship).” However, it’s important to know that once the word “like” comes into play, what’s being expressed is a thought, not a feeling. The best way we have come to distinguish the difference between a thought and a feeling, is that a feeling can generally be described in a few words: happy, excited, safe, cared for, hurt, frustrated, scared. Try to include feeling words if you can. Doing so, especially when lucky enough to hit the proverbial nail on the head, will often bring a look of recognition and joy to your partner’s face faster than anything else you could say.

EXAMPLE:  “I can imagine you might be feeling drained from this…”

Now that the Sender has said all they have to say and the Receiver has mirrored, validated and empathized, the whole process reverses. Partners trade places, but the new Sender does not start a new topic, rather s/he responds to what the first Sender said. The Receiver now gets their turn to respond with whatever came up for them while the first partner was sending.

If you are interested in learning more about using Imago Dialogue for your relationship, contact Robin Newman, LCSW.

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centering exercise - Book an appointment with social worker in Huntington, NY

Centering exercise before couples speak during therapy

Centering exercise before couples speak during therapy with Robin Newman, LCSW in Long Island, NY.

Whenever I start an Imago session with a couple, they often ask why we do a centering exercise before starting.

Part of why I believe in doing a centering exercises, is first of all, to calm oneself. It also sets up an openness to listen.

Casey the therapy dog

I have a therapy dog in this practice and I now like to use the metaphor of trying to see the world through a puppy’s eyes.

Take that puppy-kind-of-attitude and use that when looking at your partner’s stated issues.

Be curious at what they’re saying, opposed to getting defensive, annoyed and/or angry.

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

David Augsberger

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW

Imago relationship therapy provides couples with effective communication tools that allow both people to feel safe & connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

When both partners make positive changes that have meaning to the other, it serves as reinforcement and is a catalyst for more positive change. At this time, making changes could seem difficult but this too will probably be explored in the counseling process.

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

marriage counselor / imago relationship therapist long island ny

Recognizing Conflict, Resolving Tensions, and Rebuilding Your Relationship

Conflicts in a marriage are inevitable and perfectly normal, but many couples struggle to resolve these conflicts alone. This inability to communicate effectively with one another can cause dissatisfaction in one or both parties. Seeing a marriage counselor is one of the best ways to help clarify and resolve the issues that arise between couples.

It’s a common misconception that couples only pursue marriage counseling when there is infidelity in a relationship. Seeking marriage counseling can resolve a variety of issues including poor communication, lack of intimacy, finances, children, transitions, and a range of other topics.

It may be hard to decipher when marriage counseling is the right step for you and your partner, but getting information is the first step.

Each couple is unique, so a marriage counselor takes a personalized approach to help resolve the conflict between partners.

Robin Newman LCSW Long Island, marriage counselor

Robin Newman uses Imago Relationship Therapy with couples of all kinds.

Imago Relationship Therapy focuses on relational counseling to transform conflict between couples into opportunities for healing and growth.

There is frequently a connection between early childhood experiences and frustrations in adulthood, and these childhood sensitivities often arise in a marriage. When issues that occurred in childhood repeatedly come up with a partner, they can overshadow the positive aspects of a relationship.

Imago Relationship Therapy allows couples to understand their childhood experiences and allow themselves to heal their relationship and move towards more effective means of communication.

During counseling, Robin aims to disarm conflicting verbal communication, and in doing so, increase respect, intimacy, and affection. Additionally, Imago Relationship Therapy works to remove barriers that may make couples feel stagnant in their conflicts while creating a heightened sense of empathy in the relationship.

Couples learn how to replace negative conflict patterns, increase intimacy and emotional connection, and enhance shared goals.

With marriage counseling, couples learn how to be emotionally available and empathetic towards one another, eliminating negative conflict cycles and strengthening attachment bonds.

Marriage counseling is extremely effective when partners are motivated and willing to work on the conflicts in their relationship.

Working to resolve conflicts in a marriage is hard work, requiring a lot of communication and commitment, but with the help of a counselor, couples don’t have to face that strain alone.

Robin is trained in helping partners through a variety of issues and tailors her method towards your needs. Open and honest communication between all parties is the best way to go about counseling and will yield positive results.

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW

Robin Newman, social worker & owner of the Huntington Relationship Center in Long Island, NY.

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC, Imago Relationship Therapist
Individual, Couples & Family Counseling

THE HUNTINGTON RELATIONSHIP CENTER
148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743
(631) 421-4701

baggage in relationships

How we bring baggage into our relationships.

Emotional baggage is what people often carry into relationships. Simply put, baggage is the collection of unpleasant memories from the past that continue to negatively affect our perception / behavior in the present. How and why do we bring baggage into our relationships from the past?

baggage in relationships - protective behavior

Unmet Needs:

Each of these developmental tasks must be met or we will not feel secure:

Attachment: I’m connected to my caretakers and can depend upon them.

Exploration: I can leave Mom & Dad and come back. I’m not smothered.

Identity I am secure in who I am. I don’t have to be like anyone else.

Competency: I can reach for my dreams and find success without shame.

Lost Parts:

We’re born with four beautiful ways to connect to others:

Thinking: I can have my own ideas.
Sensing: It’s okay to explore my body.
Feeling: I can have feelings that are different from yours.
Acting: I can show my feelings.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times
For more info. on relationship counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

(631) 421-4701 therapistlongisland@gmail.com

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Imago Relationship Therapy founders

Marriage (even for marriage experts) is never easy.

Imago therapy is a highly effective form of relationship and couples therapy that has positively affected thousands of couples around the world. This transformational method of therapy was developed 25 years ago by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, and provides resources for couples & individuals seeking to find a way to be more effective in their life and relationships.

Just like any other couple, Harville & Helen experienced a power struggle where they attempted to change each other to be “more like me.”

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT - a guide for couples

A critical comment would degenerate into loud arguments.

Blaming each other was a common focus of conversation.

After a decade of marriage, they found themselves teetering on the brink of divorce. They started to lose hope that their relationship would survive.

Facing the inevitable, they decided to give one last try and commit to doing everything possible to salvage their relationship.

Harville & Helen co-created Imago Relationship Therapy to promote the transformation of couples & families by a creating relational culture that supports universal equality and effective communication.

It offers communication tools that will allow both people to feel safe & connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

stay in connection - Huntington Relationship Therapy

Stay in connection 2020

Stay in connection 2020 – Huntington Relationship Center – Imago Relationship Therapy

Humans are social animals: We crave feeling supported, valued and connected.

Research points to the benefits of social connection: in one compelling study, a key difference between very happy people and less happy people was good relationships.

Communicate to help manage anxiety and stress.

During this time of sheltering in place / being quarantined under the same roof, it’s highly possible that stress, anxiety and depression might start to get the best of us. If it happens to you, know that it’s perfectly normal, especially under these chaotic circumstances.

That’s why it’s so important to stay in connection during these uncertain times. No one should struggle alone. If you find that you could use someone to talk to or you know someone who is in need of assistance, contact the Huntington Relationship Center today.

As a Long Island social worker, Robin welcomes couples, families, and individuals to her office:
148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps individuals and couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy. (631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Heightened Stress in 2020 - Counseling Services for NYers - Robin Newman, LCSW

Heightened Stress in 2020 – Counseling for NYers

Heightened Stress in 2020 – Counseling Services for NYers – Robin Newman, LCSW

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead. During these stressful times, counseling can be very helpful.

Surviving Heightened Stress in 2020:

Maintain your emotional support system. If you don’t have any, find a licensed therapist who will be that for you. These are the people you can vent your frustration with and share your successes with.

Talking about what’s happening to you is the best way to defuse your feelings and symptoms. Allow yourself to cry. It releases feelings and tension. Get feedback and advice from a professional NY counselor.

Value and protect yourself. Try to exercise. Exercise releases tension in the muscles and reduces the effects of anxiety. Eat right and get your sleep. If you’re run down, you won’t be efficient or function at the intellectual level required to get good grades, do good at work, take care of your kids. Stress degrades the first line of defense in our immune system and prolonged stress usually leads to illness.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples & individuals break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

romantic love

Romantic Love Is Not An Illusion

Romantic Love Is Not An Illusion ~ Getting The Love You Want Sept. 2019 Workshop ~ Long Island, NY

Romantic love is not an illusion.

We’re our highest selves when we let go of defenses. We think the person who we’re falling in love with is “giving” us these feelings, but actually, it’s our body that is producing them. We are in love with feeling alive. We are in love with the experience of living with an open heart. We are in love with love! And we think it will never end. Who we are in romantic love is not an illusion, but who we really are when we let go of our defenses. We get in touch with the person we were always meant to be.

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT COUPLES WORKSHOPS

The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love & companionship.

Is your relationship starving for affection, romance & passion?

Do you wish to deepen the relationship, the closeness & the intimacy that once made it so special?

Does it seem like you can’t stop the cycle of anger, blame, arguments & withdrawal?

Do you consistently feel unheard?

Do you wish you argued less & talked more?

Well, it’s time to make important changes in your relationship!

Discover what really lies beneath triggered reactions in romantic partnerships and how to make lasting change. Move into more conscious connection and have the relationship of your dreams.

Learn to effectively communicate, work through conflicts in a skilled way, and be genuinely affectionate with each other.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

bootcamp couples therapy

Getting Through Hard Times

It’s easy to love when we are blissfully happy, when we are in love and everything is running smoothly, but love is tested in hard times developed in crisis and reaches its full maturity when unexpected tragedies unfold. So, although we never seek or welcome tragedy, we need to remember that there is a hidden jewel stitched into the hem of its garment. Getting through hard times invites the enlargement of love in us, and stretches us beyond our limits, so that we find that our love expands.

“In conflict, there is growth.”

Invest In Your Love ~ Try a (private) weekend workshop of couples’ therapy.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with getting through hard times and moving ahead.

Couples’ counseling intensives are 1 1/2 days on the weekend in Huntington, New York. Treated as a “boot camp” for couples who wish to improve communication, intimacy, and understanding. Robin & Don teach couples specific communication techniques that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Long Island couples therapist - getting through hard times

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman, LCSW today.

Robin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner. Couples workshops with Robin Newman, LCSW.

Really being seen.

We feel loved when we feel seen, deeply perceived, and validated. When another human being responds to us, we feel understood.

Being able to be seen requires being vulnerable. It means that we reveal ourselves or that we put ourselves in such close proximity to another human being that he/she can really see us. Some of us are afraid of being seen. We don’t want our secrets to show. We’re afraid that having disclosed the inner reaches of ourselves, we won’t feel safe or be loved.

Others of us are afraid of not being seen – remaining forever invisible and unacknowledged. Today, reveal something to the person you love, which in the past you have kept hidden. Then allow yourself to see something in them which previously was overlooked or ignored.

Intimacy grows when we are seeing, when we allow ourselves to truly behold one another.

One of the beautiful things about Imago Relationship Therapy is we practice safety and we help you to be seen by your partner and have you to be able to see your partner as well. During our Getting The Love You Want workshops, we give you the tools to help one another.

Do you feel like you’re stuck? Do you feel frustrated? Do you desperately want to connect with your partner, but don’t understand how to do that because you’re afraid of being vulnerable? What’s beautiful about the workshop is it will teach you all of these things. Allow us to help you to be seen in a safe place and go home with tools to connect with your partner.

Invest In Your Love

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TherapistLongIsland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Robin Newman, LCSW Long Island therapists

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imago relationship therapy NY

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If you feel that your relationship is lacking intimacy, I highly encourage you to look into the Imago Dialogue. As an Imago …