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Relationship Tip #10
Relationship Tip #10 Differentiation and togetherness are both important in a relationship. You need time as a couple and you need time as an individual. There will be activities you do together and ones you do separately. There will be values you share, and values that are important to one of you, but not the…
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Relationship Tip #9
Relationship Tip #9 Move from negativity to problem solving. Negativity pushes the other person away. Problem solving is cooperative: “How can we solve this so we both feel okay..”
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Relationship Tip #8
Relationship Tip #8 Sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship. If you find you are too busy or too tired for sex, planning a date for sex can help. It gives you something to look forward to and prepare for. Take turns planning the date in whatever ways you both find romantic and…
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Negativity
Tip of the month…. Move from negativity to problem solving. Negativity pushes the other person away. Problem solving is a cooperative, how we can solve this so that we both feel safe and okay.
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Just for today
Poet John Donohue said, “bless the space between us”. Think of your relationship as living in the space between you and remember to take care of that space. Everything you say and everything you do affects the space (your relationship): the way you look at each other, the tone of your voice, the words you…
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Appreciations
Give your partner one appreciation every day. So often people tell me that they don’t feel appreciated by their spouse. Tell your partner how much you appreciate something nice or thoughtful that they did for you today. Appreciations can help us to feel emotionally safe with each other. Remember that an appreciation a day can…
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Tip of the month
If you have something important that you want to discuss with your spouse or partner, asking, “Is now a good time to talk?” can make a big difference. It gives the other person a “heads up” that you want their undivided attention, that this is important to you, that you really want them to listen…
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Psychology Today Article on Intimacy
I was reading my monthly subscription of “Psychology Today” and was very taken with an article on intimacy. The article was written by Lisa A. Phillips, who is a professor of journalism at SUNY New Paltz. The part that truly stood out to me was the following: Becoming close to another person is one of…
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Our Throw-Away Society
In my opinion, we live in a throw-away society. If something is broken nowadays, we just go out and buy / find a new one. We don’t spend the time or money fixing anything in order to make it work more effectively. The cold, hard truth is that successful relationships take time and a bunch of…
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Fix My Partner
So many couples come into couples therapy with the attitude of “just fix my partner.” They don’t look at how they participate in the dance of intimacy. Many will ask “what can I do to make this work?” What sometimes troubles me are the few who are unwilling to do their homework when I assign…
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