Category: Couples Therapy

In our search to create meaning in our relationships with our significant others, we decide that perhaps children will connect us intimately.

What saddens me about our culture, is that we tend to take our children as hostages.

Search for Meaning by Having KidsIn our search to create meaning in our relationships with our significant others, we decide that perhaps children will connect us intimately. So we have a few. We wait and wait for the instant gratification of our connection to resume or happen. What’s so sad is that it doesn’t and now there are children involved in the same dynamic that the couple created.

Over the years, I have heard from so many couples who knew it wasn’t working and had children anyway.

Some are tired and don’t want to do the work. They will call me a few times and reach out but decide that, putting the time and effort into their relationship isn’t worth it at this point. So, we end up with more carnage by inflicting our poor way of communicating in our marriage onto our children. We are their role models, their compass in the storm.

We enable them to lose their way.

Then we wonder, “why did they choose the partner that they did”?

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They want more, we want less. What a dilemma!

Sex isn’t the same with many years of marriage behind us. It’s sad but true. No one ever shares this with us before we get married. Our parents don’t mention this. Unfortunately we find this out 5-10 years in. Men feel it first. They want more, we want less. What a dilemma! What to do? Instead of communicating in a way that we listen to one another, we end up very angry and saying unkind things to each other. If we learned better sending and receiving as we say in Imago language, we could do a whole lot better.

Robin Newman on sex

long term relationship foundation issues - marriage therapist Long Island

What happens when we’re in a long term relationship and the sparks and commonalities no longer seem to apply?

One of the biggest long term relationship foundation issues that I hear from couples is that things have changed. But life (and people) continue to change.

Words I hear from couples often when in my office:

“You’re not the person who I married.”

“What happened to us?”

“We used to have fun and share the same things in common.”

What happens when we’re in a long term relationship & the sparks & commonalities no longer seem to apply?

Long Term Relationship Foundation Issues

Long Term Relationship Foundation Issues One thing I know for certain, is that we are younger, less experienced people when we first meet. Perhaps more optimistic and less jaded by what life throws us.

Different life experiences happen which creates stress that creeps into our lives. We have children, we lose jobs, we get new ones.. gain some weight, lose some hair.. begin to snore..

Our foundation isn’t sturdy enough so we become easily shaken by our ever-changing environment.

If our foundation is strong and our connection to one another is present and conscious, then perhaps we can tackle the events of life together.

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TherapistLongIsland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Couples Counseling Long Island

Imago Couples Therapy

Getting The Love You Want Workshops

For couples who’ve been married for a long time, for people that are not married but living together, for people that are dating, and for people that are planning on getting married.

What the workshop involves are multiple exercises between each couple. This is not group therapy. Nothing is publicly shared.

Conflict is growth waiting to happen. Stand in it and allow ourselves to work from it, to grow from it with our partner. 2 opinions can be right and exist in the same space.

Imago Relationship Therapy: See through your partner’s eyes.

Understand the art of communication.

Learn better communication skills with one another.

Learn how to listen better.

Learn how to empathize and validate your partner.

Robin Newman, LCSW-R, PC ** Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Psychotherapist & Professor at Adelphi University, Graduate School of Social Work

148 East Main Street (Suite 102) Huntington, NY 11743

Imago Couples Therapy Long Island

relationship therapist LINY Imago is a type of relationship therapy which provides a unique opportunity for couples to learn how to use the issues that they have in their relationship for growth and healing. It offers communication tools that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

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Thich Nhat Hahn - blaming has no positive effect at all

Relationship Tip #17: Blaming has no positive effect at all.

“Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reasoning and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding.”

Long Island couples therapist

Relationship Tip #17:  This quote from Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that blaming another person does not work; what works is understanding the other.

I find it helps to remember ~ whatever your partner says or does makes sense to him or her, even if it makes no sense to you.

PRIVATE WEEKEND COUPLES’ INTENSIVE WORKSHOPS WITH ROBIN & DON @ THE HUNTINGTON RELATIONSHIP CENTER

Spice Up Your Relationship & Reconnect With Your Partner

For inquiries / to book a couples’ intensive session:

Couples’ counseling intensives are 1 1/2 days on the weekend in Huntington, New York. Treated as a “boot camp” for couples who wish to improve communication, intimacy, and understanding. Robin & Don teach couples specific communication techniques that will allow both people to feel safe and connected as they talk about their problems, instead of entering the painful “power struggle”.

Get professional counseling from a licensed therapist in this boot camp weekend couples workshop!

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT: The New York Times bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love & companionship.

Appreciations

marriage therapist LINYGive your partner one appreciation every day.

So often people tell me that they don’t feel appreciated by their spouse. Tell your partner how much you appreciate something nice or thoughtful that they did for you today.

Appreciations can help us to feel emotionally safe with each other.

Remember that an appreciation a day can help to keep the therapist away!

Tip of the month

marriage therapist LINY

If you have something important that you want to discuss with your spouse or partner, asking, “Is now a good time to talk?” can make a big difference. It gives the other person a “heads up” that you want their undivided attention, that this is important to you, that you really want them to listen to you. It also shows that you are respectful of their time and are not assuming that they are available on your time schedule. If your partner or spouse says no, it’s not a good time, accept that and ask for an appointment within 24 hours when he/she will talk to you.

Psychology Today

I was reading my monthly subscription of “Psychology Today” and was very taken with an article on Intimacy. The article was written by Lisa A. Phillips who is a professor of journalism at SUNY New Paltz. The part that truly stood out to me was the following; “Becoming close to another person is one of the most thrilling experiences in the human repertoire, both the bedrock of emotional security and a passport to self-expansion. If the relationship is a romantic one-intimacy is as much the essence of deep friendship as of lasting love-it carries the added charge of desire. Although the term intimacy is often used as a euphemism for sex, anyone with a dear friend knows that physical attraction is not essential for any two people to create a true bond. Intimacy is what you share with another human being who gets you. The part that stood out to me the most was “self-expansion”.  What that means to me is that my partner helps my process of growing into my authentic self. That through my partner I can grow through whatever discomforts may arise. I in turn can help them to grow as well.

couples therapy LINY

Fix My Partner

couples therapy LINY - fix my partnerSo many couples come into couples therapy with the attitude of “just fix my partner.”

They don’t look at how they participate in the dance of intimacy. Many will ask “what can I do to make this work?”

What sometimes troubles me are the few who are unwilling to do their homework when I assign it. The only way to make a relationship work, is to work at being conscious and doing what it takes to get there. We spend most of our relationship in unconsciousness state. One partner is talking while the other is occupied with something and they are not paying attention. A typical scenario is when the partner states “you never listen to me” the other will then state “I was busy doing something, what do you expect?” Disconnect.

INVEST IN YOUR LOVE

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For more info. on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TherapistLongIsland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

Invest in your Love: HuntingtonRelationshipTherapy.com

INVEST IN YOUR LOVE

What many couples don’t realize is that divorce is very expensive. If money is spent on good couples therapy, it actually is more cost effective.

That’s what I love about Imago Relationship Therapy – it gets right to the heart of the matter.

I think the thing that saddens me the most is when a couple tells me over the phone, after they’ve made the inquiry, that they don’t feel like working on their marriage once we discuss the length of time and typical investment. What I want to say to them is “good luck in divorce court and losing your money”. It’s much more satisfying to invest in your love and repair what is truly special to you.

What I wish I could help couples understand is that the divorce process can be so much longer, bitter and more costly… not to mention upsetting.

INVEST IN YOUR LOVE

A relationship goes through numerous phases during its life cycle, and it’s obvious for it to have a few rough patches. The strength of a relationship is reflected in how couples deal with the rough patches and move ahead.

For more information on couples counseling, contact Robin Newman today.

Long Island couples therapistRobin Newman helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy.

TherapistLongIsland@gmail.com

(631) 421-4701

< Watch Robin Newman on YouTube >

romantic love

Romantic Love Is Not An Illusion

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bootcamp couples therapy

Getting Through Hard Times

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Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner.

Allow yourself to be fully seen by your partner. Couples workshops with Robin Newman, LCSW. Really being seen. We feel loved …